The Whimsy CrusaderRants of Reverie: The Great Debate The Spork

One of the great neglected debates of modern times and one often not associated with Darwinism is that of our beloved Spork. A species of flat ware indigenous to our Americas that has grown into a widely diverse species inhabiting different climates all across the globe.

How did this happen?

Scientists argue that it was simply created by the inter-breeding of the spoon and the fork and followed the standard scientific evolutionary process over a long period of time. Conservatives point to the Patent Information, circa the 70's, as the first recognition of this species of flatware. They refuse to acknowledge the possibility that it existed previously, in different sub-species.

PATENT - 1970 Official Gaz. (U.S. Patent Office) 11 Aug. tm 65 Van Brode Milling Co., Inc., Clinton, Mass... Spork for Combination Plastic Spoon, Fork and Knife.

Scientists argue that though the spork was officially recognized in in the 70th year of the 20th century, that alone was only proof of the sporks existence and not an explanation of how it came to be. They argue that to discredit obvious clues and traits in other forms of cutlery would be a "blatant showing of ideological partisanship and a disservice to truth seekers across the globe."

Certain conservatives think that though these sporks share DNA with spoons and forks, they are their own species and they exhibit an intelligence and utility that is unmatched in the flatware world and clearly have had the touch of some divine intervention. "They are the chosen ones, Created to take flat ware to the next level. "

Let's take a look at some older species of flatware shall we?

What we see above is possibly the first spork, often used during the first and second world war. Though primitive in nature, it clearly had function, notice how it can fold on top of itself to fit into smaller places like a back pocket for example. Notice the size of the spoon, deep and wide, good for digging in can goods and eating soup. These were often found in war zones during the First World War.

What was this Japanese fella doing in WW1!?

Now after the wars, during a time of extreme leisure the spoon and fork appendages of the spork grew closer, as one. Below...

With out a need to fold up and fit away somewhere the spork evolved to enjoy more room on the table, but didn't quite get to roam free. Part of the reason was that water and wine glasses were rapidly populating and competing for space, necessitating the fusion. NOTE, this was mostly in certain parts of France and North America, rarely were sporks seen elsewhere in the world as of yet. The great migration of sporks didn't take place until well into the 80's.

How did this happen? Conservatives point to their theory of Intelligent Design, and sight traditional place settings as proof against evolution. Dr Bendel Jamrowscki from the Fairbanks Flat Ware Association said,

"Now how could the fork and the spoon ever mate, I mean, look, the spoon is there with the knife, the the two forks are always on the left, I just don't see how it is possible with out divine intervention."

He sticks to the Patent info as the year of their magical conception. Let's go back in time a ways...

Below, a traditional place setting from a engagement dinner in 1926, Minnesota. These place settings were prevalent during the teens and roaring twenties, when the leisure class first began to have dinner in courses. Before this meals were one course, bread and meat. You had a knife for cutting, a fork for eating and a spoon for soups and chilis etc.

Notice the spoons and forks are completely segregated, there is never any interaction between these flat wares. Now below we have what is agreed upon by both conservatives and scientists as the more modern place setting. With the appearance of the leisure class and course meals, you had the first ever sightings of forks and spoons co-mingling!

How did this happen? Is the advent of the fourth or fifth course, a dessert, the reason spoons and forks came to be, are these mingling spoons and forks, which to this day still coexist in the place settings the Adam and Eve of the spork? Or did natural selection and survival of the fittest evolve the species?

After the wars, Europeans and Americans alike had to get to work! And this didn't allow for fancy sit down dinners. Most often in the wild you would see knives and forks and little else, it seems that spoons were drastically losing numbers and were it not for cereal in the mornings, would have become extinct!

THIS was one reason scientists said that the union of forks and spoons was neccessary, for the benefit of both. It was merely a surival instinct. Hmmm. I see what is in it for the spoon, but what was in it for the fork? And why did the spoon end up the dominate trait? And why didn't the FOONs enjoy similar success? So many questions, if only the spork evolved vocal chords we would know the truth!

But where did they find the time, and the place to breed? Was it possible for the spoons and forks to procreate under the radar of sorts, because it wasn't happening at the dinner tables. Scientists keen to prove their evolution theories found an answer.

The dishwasher. When the dishware was invented, along with it came a new breeding ground for flatwares.. and it is no coincidence, to me at least, that soon after its widespread use, Sporks diversified and spread all across the globe! Hand in hand with the new dishwashers.

Just a few samples below.

But wait?

Not all of these samples are post 1972. So what gives? Is it not clear that evolution is the reason for the Spork, and not some diving intervention? Is it not clear that various kinds of Sporks in fact did exist pre-1972? Are there really any conservatives that could ,with conviction, refute my pretty clear physical evidence?

Yes, there are.

We uncovered some pretty interesting information researching the Spork... which, unfortunately for truth seekers world wide, lead to a real flip flop of events.

We found multiple patents, one in England even, well before the widely accepted patent in the 70's. .. and below is a Patent that dates back to 1907!

George Laramy of Enfield, New Hampshire, was the man who "invented" this spork.

Well, this was news neither side wanted to hear. It upset the scientist who were thoroughly convinced of its evolution from the 1900's as an act of adaptation and survival of the fittest, while it also clearly contradicted the conservatives "conception" year of '72.

This information created an underground sect of conservatives called "Laramites" who thought that George himself was a flat-ware god in the flesh. A soothsayer, a trendsetter. That he himself had the divine intelligence and they hoped that he would be able to work his magic on humans to create a more genetically efficient super human.

(He didn't- he went on to invent the Ginsu knife though, nice one!)

The traditional conservatives countered that he himself discovered the spork and simply took the credit. Conveniently, this is now the oldest known documentation of the Spork and it is hard to refute. They can now claim ( and do!) that any Sporks found after this one were descendants of it... and stick to their claim that it was in fact Diving Intelligence at work.

Unfortunately there were no writers, journalists or artists at the turn of the century that were interested in flatware. I guess there were more interesting things to document like electricity, flying and such.

I won't even get into the Willy O'Wowntey factions.. look at this bit of history, circa 1914! Rumor has it Willy went to grade school with a Mr. George Laramy... that they had a falling out at recess over a "mysterious" utensil they found in the school yard and hated each other for the rest of their lives.