The Whimsy CrusaderRants of Reverie

what you need.

2011-10-25T13:40:00.000-07:00

A "Y"cable to connect ipod/computer to a RECEIVER

A home stereo receiver componenet. like this

the back looks like this. (dont worry it's really easy!)

Then just plug the white/red ends into ANY of these ones (tape, CD, Tv, etc) and power it up, select the same channel on the front of the receiver (tape, cd, tc etc) and it's good to go.

here is a link to a step by step description.. or just google "how to hook up a computer to a home receiver" etc

whoever can loan you the receiver will have speakers for it. ANY home speakers will do. and you can have up to four usually. this should be loud enough for your event(s) louder then a computer but not as fancy or expensive as a professional set up

Nearing the end of my juice fast

2011-09-04T13:05:00.000-07:00

Nearing the finish line here, I gave way to temptation and weighed myself. I made my goal of 190 lbs! That's a loss of 17 lbs in 19 days which is only a couple more then I lose when I do the master cleanse for 10 days. I feel like I lost this weight in a less drastic fashion.(with a couple days to spare, which bodes well for me) You always gain 2 or 3 pounds over night when you start eating again, just how it works. On average people can only lose around 2.5 pounds of pure body fat per week so I will have lost around 8 pounds of fat I estimate when I am done on tuesday. This fast isn't just about weight loss but it's the first thing people ask me so... there ya go.

Nothing exciting or eventful has happened. If anything I've been very bored and even anti social, its amazing how not eating or drinking can affect your social life. I think I personally suffered from low blood pressure due to a lack of any salt at times, but I am not sure. I experienced a higher then avg amount of bouts with fatigue and dizziness from that or low blood sugars as I wasn't a pro about spacing out "meals" and such- a casualty of my erratic schedule. ( 3pm and I haven't eaten anything today for example)

Here is some good info on what my body has been going through the last two weeks...

Stage 3 (Day 8 to Day 15)

On the latter part of an extended fast, you can experience enhanced energy, clear-mindedness and feel better than you have felt since childhood. On the downside, old injuries may become irritated and painful. This is a result of the body's increased ability to heal during fasting. If you had broken your arm 10 years before, there is scar tissue around the break. At the time of the break, the body's ability to heal was directly related to lifestyle. If you lived on a junk-food diet, the body's natural healing ability was compromised.

During fasting, the body's healing process is at optimum efficiency. As the body scours for dead or damaged tissue, the lymphocytes enter the older, damaged tissue secreting substances to dissolve the damaged cells. These substances irritate the nerves in the surrounding region and cause a reoccurrence of aches from previously injured areas that may have disappeared years earlier. The pain is good as the body is completing the healing process. The muscles may become tight and sore due to toxin irritation. The legs can be the worst affected, as toxins accumulate in the legs. Cankers are common in this stage due to the excessive bacteria in the mouth. Daily gargling with salt and water will prevent or heal cankers.

Stage 4 (Day 16 to Day 30)

The body is completely adapted to the fasting process. There is more energy and clarity of mind. Cleansing periods can be short with many days of feeling good in between. There are days when the tongue is pink and the breath is fresh. The healing work of the organs is being completed. After the detoxification mechanisms have removed the causative agent or render it harmless, the body works at maximum capacity in tissue proliferation to replace damaged tissue. While a short fast will reduce the symptoms, a longer fast can completely heal. Homeostatic balance is at optimum levels. The lymphatic system is clean except for a rare discharge of mucus through the nose or throat. After day 20, the mind is affected. Heightened clarity and emotional balance are felt at this time. Memory and concentration improve.

Talk To You Laters

Juice Fast Day 14 ! (update)

2011-08-30T17:38:00.000-07:00

Well I guess i felt like the every day minutia of things one feels and experiences on various days of the juice fast are pretty redundant. Weird symptoms like insomnia, bad breath, dizziness you name it All are par for the course. I didn't wanna moan about how boring it can be or isolating either... The benefits far outweigh the drawbacks! The main Qs I keep getting are

Why are you doing this?
Why cant you just EAT the foods instead of juice them?
How much weight have you lost?

1. I decided to do this to sort of "reboot" my system. I wanted a semi brainless set up. Preparing meals and eating right is just to time consuming and energy taking for me when I feel like shit... But juicing is easy. it takes 5 minutes to do and five minutes to clean up! My goals were to inject loads of vitamins and nutrients into my system, cleanse my digestive system, change my body PH, my palette and by default, my image.

2. TO "just eat" all the food I am juicing would be time consuming and painful... I juice a lot of foods! Clearly eating the foods is the long and medium term best thing to do, incorporated into a balanced diet, and that is what i hope to do when I come off my juice fast.

3. As far as my weight, IDK, I haven't weighed myself. I started around 207lbs... I imagine I've lost at least 13-14 lbs! one week left to go. You can only lose 2.5 lb of pure body fat per week I read somewhere anyway, the rest is just from not having food in my system as well as other sludge and dead cell mater, water weight etc.

I will post before and after pictures when I am done! It's a remarkable contrast already!

Here are some pics!

"Green Guiness"

Splash would bark as soon as the cukes turned ripe!

One of my juices

Berry grape and Cherry - sweet and tart!

Wheat grass shots

THANKS FOR READING!

IF YOU WANNA CONTRIBUTE 5$ TO MY VEGETABLE FUND I AM STILL SETTING UP MY PAY PAL! I AM GOING BROKE

My Juice Fast

2011-08-18T23:17:00.000-07:00

I started a juice fast yesterday!

I am going to write about it here...

The first day I eased into it, buying fresh juice and some crappy pre juiced stuff but today I got to make my own. They were ok. One was too sweet the other had a vile after taste of radishes haha.

The scariest thing is that I have spent about 25$ a day on fresh fruits and veggies...

I hope to get that down when I find better deals.

I Will be setting up my PayPal if anyone

wants to help / contribute 10$ or 20$

Anywho here are some snaps of what I made today.

(Not the proper amounts, just ingredients!)

Concord Grapes, Apple, Blackberry, Ginger

Radishes, Carrots, Plum Tomatoes, Parsley, Celery, Jalapeno

Day one - you don't notice much

Day Two - "you" feel lethargic, sleepy eyed and pee a lot haha. (results vary by person) I also had an "off" tummy from the super load of healthy things it has been deprived of lately. I def need this reboot! For those of you wondering "WHY FAST?" Well my reasons are pretty simple. I want to lose weight, balance the PH of my body, reset my taste buds and eliminate unhealthy cravings. I also just lost my father to Cancer and had a birthday so you can't help but take a hard look at yourself in the mirror. People often scoff when I tell them I need to lose a few pounds but fact is I weight 205 lbs right now. It's not a hot look. I carry most of it on my belly and chest, some puffiness in my face. Here is what I looked like 25 lbs ago. (I was in my thirties in these pics.. appx 4 years ago)

my youtube channel

2011-06-06T18:19:00.000-07:00

stay tuned for more vids

click --> http://www.youtube.com/user/WhimsyCrusader

why women like assholes... RANT

2011-02-11T13:07:00.000-08:00

RANT = run on sentences =)

disclaimer!!

I love women, respect them.
It's not my job to comment on how bad men can be.
I am only offering my opinion of how women can be,
and usually are.

As an older young man, i can safely say.. i speak for many
(men)

what we want is simple.

enthusiasm.

it's that simple.

after being rejected 13,456 times, after playing 3,745 girl-initiated qualifying games,
( i stopped in 1995 or the number would be larger) and after being unfairly judged by the irrational convictions of girls 15 years my junior or the surprising insecurities of women 15 years my senior...

i can safely say that the one thing MOST girls tend to do,
if the first date went well,
at the most pressing time,
i.e. the second date,
is grind all momentum to a halt.
back off,

and start the games.

it is so boring.

god forbid i tell the "wrong" girl i had a real nice time, or i like her. she might think i am "falling for her" and she "doesn't need that right now".. so no second date.

not even a discussion. i am assed out of my chance to make her happy by her assumptions. ME? in love with you? after one date? it happens all the time to me and my fellow male friends who express themselves, i guess girls are used to boys that act cool and don't say shit and get drunk to be intimate. its easier that way, then you can have an excuse later and retract your apparent vulnerability.

so guess who they do need?

that aloof man. the guy that DOES wait 4 days to call them after he gets there number. the man that KNOWS how to challenge the ego of a woman, to manipulate her thus, to get her to keep interest.

i.e. the asshole.

"Sorry you can't spend the night. I need to send some emails. the L train is 7 blocks to the left"

If a guy goes on a date, and does a pretty good job, at least marketing himself well enough.. he is most well to do by doing nothing after... invariably the woman will wonder why he is not texting or calling etc. EVEN if she does not like him.

you see we are all animals, we all adapt. some time between suffrage and the movie working girl.. women started to get freedoms in the dating world.. until, thanks to the poorly organized union of humans with testicles not working together.. the women got ALL the power in the dating world.

the veto. the power to judge. the whole nine.

so they act accordingly.

the result. is that there are tons of good men, that know how to be naughty (not the nice guys finishing last) who are being frustrated by these surprisingly abrupt momentum destroyers.

there is no shortage of excuses.

the average man will believe them too. because most girls do not have the nuts to say they are "just not into you" and they are to faux-humble to admit they got freaked out cuz you said they were beautiful.

so instead they will be "busy" with work or this or that. just hoping you will go away.

but in reality, if they had a hot date.. who did not express his affections-they would never be too busy for that all wonderful second or third date when the fun starts. the fucking.
who is too busy to fuck?

no one i want to know.
I'm sorry.

thats the spirit!

So better date that asshole who is gonna be aloof and too busy for you back.
a.k.a. not vulnerable

then you guys can have a wonderful relationship of never seeing each other, except when you get drunk and booty call him to see if he is attracted to you.

i mean, don't sleep with someone for your own pleasure, do it just for your ego!

it seems to me that the rush to control the dating experience by the women's side was not so well thought out.

think about this.. in the 50's the guy would ask her out, pick her up, take her home, he called all the shots, he paid etc.

antiquated, yes.

but.. he was the one being vulnerable, taking a chance asking her out.

she just said "yes or no".

no pressure.

you want all the power these days, i mean hell, you ladies know if you are getting laid at the end of the night or not, we have no clue, you could be buck naked in front of us and we STILL wouldn't know

"Oh, we're not having sex. I just want to cuddle"

So if you want the power to call all the shots, etc. then you have to be vulnerable too. you cant sit back and expect us to do all the work when it suits you, then take over when you feel like it.

it won't work.

and you will get a million billion frustrated women.

and a lot of happy assholes.

im neither. i don't play games. if i want to have fun. i make it obvious, they can feign being disrespected if they want, or they can appreciate my effort at sincerity im not bothered.

i don't have time to waste.

MOREOVER

to paraphrase....
THE CINDERELLA COMPLEX
assholes part 2

Women!!??

how long is this going to continue?? your irrational ability to live in your own embellished version of reality? It is beginning to impede, i fear, your ability to achieve gratifying, sincere relations...

case in point.

me

the 2010 REBOUNDER OF THE YEAR - MALE CATEGORY-INTERNATIONAL

women have this knack for having the worst judgement of character,
more alarming, it does not seem to be of any importance, the actual innards of a man, his character.. all that matters is what they see, be it in potential or in their private perception of him...

countless times in the last year i have been "that guy" that a recently dumped or cheated on lady turns to.. not because i am sweet, a good listener nor caring, but more so because of my willingness to play that role.. though i am actually all those Things.. it did not draw them to me..

they chose me. because they saw me as generally handsome and fun, a catch, a mojo-regenerator if you will.

they needed to feel wanted, desired, so they put out affections, flirtations, proclamations of crushdom to me, said things like "i want you to meet my family" held my hand, kissed me on the corners as we walked.. all standard issue stuff, all on the first "date"

now this behavior lasted one or two encounters, as long they need to go through their denial phase of their break up.

they said out loud, to convince themselves and perhaps comfort me as to their good intentions, that they were "over their X" etc.. as one does.

all just enough to get me to reciprocate their sentiments and proclamations of crushdom. all just enough to fulfill the dialogue requirements and affection obligations inherited with the role i accepted.

invariably after this denial phase was over, (one or two dates) when they looked back on their sudden vulnerability, or more importantly, their outwardly perceived vulnerability, which was in fact manipulation of a good man for their own private fantasy, they would use harsh judgement.

they would invariably flake on me, and then judge me to boot, hold against me all the very same things they needed to hear from me in those times we spent together...

am i complaining?

no

BUT

did it ever occur to them that i might have had feelings, or been hurt, or been sincere?

no,

does it matter?

no

you see.. to them, a fair exchange is no robbery, i got some "fun", so whats the problem?

(if the slipper was on the other foot, how would a girl react? she would be livid! "how dare you use me for a rebound" tsk tsk double standards)

do they ever acknowledge they used me? pssssh bwahaha! =)

why analyze reality? why be accountable, why feel guilty when it is easier to look back and see themselves as philanthropists of fun then manipulative and desperate women who are actually very "not over their X's nor over their pain"..?

THE rebounding was their wanting to be able to control things... their feelings... to be able to live without need of someone else... yet ironically their choice of treatments was to run out and be needed again?? a little therapy until...

they move back into that... the pain and missing part, the longing for the DREAM of whomever they pretended their boyfriend to be.. they miss that.. instead of the REALITY, that he was abusive, or a cheater, or french or what have you..

my point?

well, lets delve a little.. when they first interacted with said cheaters and Frenchmen, how did they behave?

did they manipulate them in a similar manner.. doing and saying things to get the men to do and say things.. ??? some examples.. things girls say on the first date to initiate role playing, which can lead to long term relations based on utter bullshit.

"you are just trying to sleep with me"

WHICH GETS THE COMMON MAN TO LIE, SAY
"OH NO I AM NOT", AND TELL HER WHY SHE IS "SPECIAL."

just what she needs to hear. fuck him showing her why she is special, just listen and play along, the panties will be yours.. but you are accepting this method of interaction from henceforth.

another example would be something she says to get you to complement her, or to test you and see if you will react to her moods "appropriately" etc. will you daddy her, will you be her lap dog, will you this or that.. she will poke and prod your APTITUDES to see just how good you would be at playing the role she has in mind. based on her values, be it style, income, politics, vegetarianism etc etc etc. do you go with her?? like a handbag goes with shoes?

or the classic ,is she coming over, "oh i don't do that on the first date", he says "its cool we can cuddle", she agrees, one thing leads to another and she is getting it major, giving away control with great enthusiasm and he knew it from the start he was gonna get some even though the dialogue contradicted it..cuz we have all played the role- typical bullshit. instead of being vulnerable and acknowledging strong attraction or desire to the male, she would rather play games and let circumstance, be it cuz she was drunk or that they were in bed together be the "reason" things went down... only to say something dumb in the morning like "I'm not normally like that, or "i only did that cuz i was drunk", or whatever to which any man will say,

"oh i know, your not a slut, you are sweet and i really like you"

but his actions,
not calling you ever again...
show reality.
you see the pattern?

don't let him say he likes you.. make him show it!

most women fit into these archetypes sadly.

you see, it is all ego and fear.

the ego, a women will find a man, suitable, very desirable in her estimations, on her customized-value system... it is enough to know that this man wants her.. that is her aim usually. so she will put out little manipulative vibes, showing attraction or mild interest to which the common man will jump

the quicker you let her know you are interested, the quicker she is over it. its a game. now a desperate women will put out the vibe that she is indeed desperate, and guess what kinds of guys will get wind of it first? whom will see that her ego is low, and will swoop in and take advantage.. doing and saying just what they need to to get her to turn over he heart. (redundant.. yes the french men, the cheaters etc)

at that point.. the script is flipped.

the girl is attached to her dream, not reality..
women love to fight for their dream, for their relationship,

but ask them to fight for true happiness and they never do... the risk is too great.
being vulnerable, out of control, having faith in another

ego.. i have talked about this a lot in my rants... men are only as good or bad as we are perceived.. so it is wise never to take things personally good or bad from a woman unless you know for sure, 100 percent she is on the real with you.

usually post tom-boys and bi-girls, girls that are "one of the boys" are far better as partners.. cuz they will shoot straight, in general.

am i generalizing enough? i don't care...

how often have you heard a guy say "I'm in love, she is the best writer, or the best choreographer" ??
never right??

that's girl stuff.
lets like someone cuz of their work, their songs, or their books..
not because of their character.. lets see how this man becomes part of my identity, see ego, and how i feel about myself being associated with it...

"lets put up with all kinds of shit, because i am living in my dream world, not reality.. because he knows he has this leverage, because i am not the only girl out there that loves his books, or songs, or bangs or french accent, and he is gonna do his thing regardless, because i leveraged my affection and sex in order to make this ego acquisition and i am not gonna lose it, i am not a loser.. I'm keeping up appearances.. fuck my actual happiness, i need this bond, i need this identity."

fuck that.

get back to reality..

until you are fearless and can deal with reality, live in truths, see men for what they are by their actions and not their sweet words, until you can see men for what they are in the present, how they make you feel, not what they can be or could make you feel, you are doomed.

until you can do all that and not leverage "fun times"...

you are doomed

and MEN, learn to say no to sex,
learn not to put up with shit just for some ass.

(in my rebounds i took the sex, hoping in each case it meant something... but knowing that they offered it to me, only for me to take, so they would feel better.. if i refused, and said, i did not want to give my shit away so quickly, instead of respecting me, they would/have taken offense... been hurt, and manipulated me into fucking them even more.. funny how predictable it all is!!!)

you will be so much better off for not being so quick to fuck,
to not put up with games in the first place

and in a strange turn events,
her little rejection, or her little ego bruise,
might actually teach her something,

that there are good men out there,
that they might be able to better recognize them now,
and that they might be able to appreciate them more
to live in reality
instead of in their dream worlds.

remember when you are in a dream world, as soon as that man tires of it,
he bounces.

then its a nightmare

but it is your own fault... those words he said to you
that you play back in your head, you made him say it
instead of letting him actually love you,
instead of actually giving yourself...
don't hate the actor,
you directed him
you gave him a role to play

better to try appreciating him, respecting him and confiding and trusting in him.

love is not a scripted fairy tale

love is better improvised.
with enthusiasm
and reverence

my blog is more yummtacular

2010-03-20T15:59:00.001-07:00

Some people just post pics of hot and beautiful things.. eye candy. We all love eye candy. I just write jibberish.

jibber jabber flip flapper.

Shoot, I have to run to the Loo.

I had a late night. to be continued

Pet Peeves 1

2010-01-30T17:16:00.000-08:00

I hate those people who are always a day late with texts or calls. They always call to give you a summation of how busy they've been yap yap. They keep saying they wanna hang or this and that but they're not making plans... days become weeks.. it's all such a waste of energy. Like when the computer screen goes dim and you flick your mouse or the keyboard to light it back up, they're flicking at me.

I'm not a screensaver popping up on your desktop, Im not some IM at the bottom of your screen.

even worse when you stop bothering and they still flick away. Calling or texting to see what's new and keep in touch since god forbid if they didn't who else would they have to take for granted or complain too? =D

self absorbed people - pet peeve numero uno.

woo - hoo I am back

2010-01-25T20:27:00.000-08:00

AND I am gonna blog about total bullshit.

be excited.

I see so many useless and boring blogs I thought I'd start posting aimless and shameless content about my bouts with sex addiction, drinking, unemploying and being old and creepy

where to start?

I quick peek back at my life here in NYC and it's pretty dismal. one job to the next, scrapping by, the odd nice vacation. No major changes for the good nor any accomplishments.

exciting right?

no long term relations.. just a few minor ones that didn't last.. a girl who tried to off herself and was crazy.. another long crush that fizzled.. and 3 unrequited loves.

ouch.

I guess i need to put some pictures in here. hmmm.

maybe later.

Here are some things you prolly didn't know about me.

I hate oatmeal. and it hates me
I have huge hands
I am paranoid about losing my hair
I have awful teeth and the dentists always ask if I am bulimic
I have a beauty fetish which makes it real hard for me to fall for girls that are attainable.
I don't care about there they re their or speling i consider blogs speech with words so there.
I am donating this line to Haiti
this one too
I feel pressure to get to ten but you prolly know everything else about me
i like going on dates and taking girls bras of

PICTURE TIME

no, fuck it! lets watch a crap video with a cheesy Australian unhooking a bra. i give him props for doing it left handed though. but lets see him do it with a fat girl on her back. harder!

ok that's it for tonight. I am going out in willyburg with my roomy from Spain. Paz
How to Remove a Bra - The best video clips are right here

Fire and Desire

2009-08-06T23:51:00.000-07:00

I have a 6 inch 14 pound 15 year old demon inside of me

2009-03-26T17:26:00.000-07:00

if anyone wants to see a REAL exorcism then holla! it's BYOB and you better prey to your local god that my shit doesn't run up in your ass! cuz he's gonna run like the dickens on mexican tap water...

EDIT

this fucker has his little hooks in my L5! change of plans! I need a waterproof ear speaker, a suppository and an ipod with celine dion on it...

Insert demon-bane MP3 here!

♫"Near, far, wherever you are..."♫

My "Losing McCain family of the week" profile (new segment)

2008-11-05T11:07:00.000-08:00

The Gullstones!

They swore if obama got elected they'd move to the moon. I applaud their conviction!

Daisy and Peaches watched nervously as Clyde assembled their new trailer.

you gonna git er done by January Clyde?

"gullstones, meet the gullstones, they're a modern red state family,
from the, town of little rock, on the losing side of history"

DID YOU HEAR ABOUT THE CHRISTIAN MISSIONARY THAT WAS GUNNED DOWN?

2008-10-21T08:29:00.000-07:00

So a Christian missionary was gunned down in afghanistan by a guy on a motorcycle. He went by her and shot her on the fly,... over there it's illegal to proselytize.

it got me thinking... we have to do something!

we have to find a way to get this guy over here to union square so he can take out all those annoying jesus freaks! The ones that heckle me with poorly sung songs of worship and yack about how satan is inside me.. (he is but i don't mind.. i just give him a steady supply of whiskey and it keeps me out of trouble)

let's get our anti christ motor cycle rider over here to do his deeds!
who wants to contribute to my fund?

before they spread all over the world and beyond?!?!

Despite their efforts to study and learn the bible Roger and Jared just couldn't "find jesus"

Let me 'splain this ACORN situation to all you McPains

2008-10-13T11:04:00.001-07:00

I hope to turn this

into this!

the ACORN situation...

Its really a NON ISSUE.

ACORN goes out and canvases people to register to vote. If they approach someone, they will ask if they're registered to vote. Most people will say "yes, i am" and try to move on, even if they aren't registered.

ACORN people don't care about being efficient, they are just being aggressive, trying to get people to register- regardless of their party affiliation. They will get people to re-register, just in case they are lying, and I don't blame them.

We all breeze past canvasers all the time... gay rights, feed the children, green peace. I see them everyday in nyc. Its not a fun job. It sucks in fact. At least the acorn people aren't asking for money, they're just trying to get lazy Americans to get off their butts and vote! Whats wrong with that?

Some people actually register to vote, some people just put down bogus information, that's how people are. it's not acorns fault. it's no different when people sign petitions etc. Same exact thing in fact.

Certain news channels make it seem like Obama is secretly funding people to make fraudulent voter registration cards to get votes. It's ludicrous.

It's impossible. You cant vote without a legitimate voting card that matches your ID. They screen every application thoroughly, or at least they are supposed to.

It's really that simple.

Another thing the news is doing - they're trying to make the public feel sorry for voter registration employees, WHO ARE GETTING PAID WITH TAX DOLLARS, who have to "sort through the voter registrations" like there is an overload of applications on account of acorn. psssh.

Like i give a fuck?!? do your damn job, and do it well. That's what you're paid to do, at least you HAVE A JOB.

There is no risk whatsoever for false votes being counted. It just wont happen. And it's very irresponsible of the news to report with this angle. But what else is new. We all know that the news channels are owned by rich conservative led corporations...

What we have here is just another media driven story designed to take dumb Americans, all of McCains "friends", who will believe anything, question nothing and get them to perceive acorn as bad. Thus by affiliation, Obama "bad" as well.

Acorn is accused of leaning left, well i wonder why? they don't canvas in rich neighborhoods where republicans live, why would they? rich people vote every election to keep their taxes low and look out for themselves.. acorn canvases in poor communities, the very same communities that get ignored by the right.. so of course most of the people they do register will be leaning left.

as they should.

fuck the news, fuck mc cain fuck all of my naive friends who are voting for him.. i wish you will; finally break free from your parents opinions or face yourself and ask yourself why you would vote for an old white "has been" who is out to make his cronies rich and doesnt give two shits about you or your middle class family.

how can a REAL ELITIST like McCain get so many plebeians to follow him.?! it's a real art. hats off if it works. I will blame all of you who vote for him just like i did for the dumb ass bush voters that got us in this fucking mess and got over 3000 soldiers killed.

your fault!

go back to school you fucking dip shits.. and re-read the classics that warn of this shit.

"A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider god-fearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods on his side."

Aristotle

(please sub EXCEPTIONAL for excellence into this one you palin jockers)

"Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but we rather have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit."

Aristotle

Obama "acts" right, meaning in good concious. Mc cain??? not so right. he's a bushite. not saying no one makes mistakes, but saying in reality obama's character is pretty intact, mc cains is shady, patronizing and passe.

that's all "my friends"

STOP HATIN' ON CHINA. IT'S ANNOYING

2008-08-08T22:03:00.000-07:00

Stop Hating on the Chinese... it's naive and hypocritical. THIS IS WHAT THE OLYMPICS ARE ABOUT.. this shit makes me tear up EVERY TIME i see it, i don't know why. they're not american, i don't know where they're from.. i don't care.

it's BIGGER then the country it is in. remember where nadia komeniche won her gold, or mary lou rettner? micheal johnson? where did jackie joyner kersie? I guarantee that only a country with socialist upbringins would be able to pull of such a moving and beautiful opening ceremonies.. it's a triumph of the human spirit in my book, all politics aside. what a fucking display of teamwork, no SAG members, no unions, no cheesy janet jackson nipple gate. it was great and I HATE ceremonies! don't punish or hate on a BILLION people for the actions of their goverment. it's naive and stupid. boycotting the olympics is a big fuck you to the THOUSANDS of athletes from all over the world who trained their whole lives to represent their countries and compete. stop making it into a gay liberal protest. p.s. fuck tibet it's not that serious. more people died in the earth quake then died in tibet EVER

CHINA GONNA WIN THAT PINA PONG THANG FOR REALZ

IT'S SHITE WEEK!

2008-07-29T07:35:00.000-07:00

Who is worse damien Hirst or the people who buy his art?

Ah yes - the age old question.

I'd just like to say that I think people who pay millions for his piss take art works are stupid. maybe it's "just an investment" but it just goes to show how a few people in the art press or auction houses can make anyone the next big thing. it's all a "value" created by humans, it's JUST art and crap at that imho.

100 million for a diamond encrusted skull? is someone ACTUALLY gonna buy a shark that is preserved in formaldehyde? doesn't the museum have one of those? did they pay 200 million for it?

i think the people who buy his shite work should be preserved in formadehyde themselves then made into art and that should be auctioned off and the proceeds should go to something worthy.

i just can't believe his art work, contemporary inexpensive unremarkable art work- should sell for so much and one man should get so rich, he isn't even gonna use a broker (which i love, fuck those scoundrels) but still.. he is gonna get millions and millions of dollars, hundreds of millions at his auction meanwhile all these other people, are starving etc.
there is no shortage of artists in the world, the are tons of other shitty artists why can't they even get paid? what would happen if there were artists on salary creating stuff? or if art didn't operate on a free market ideal? how can a business or company not be worth as much as this guys diamond skull?

it's a joke to me.

i know there are a lot of people who stand by this hack and say its capitalism etc but theyr'e just hoping to auction there brown noses as more of hurst's shit.

there not far off

but it stinks to me!

hey everyone it's "SHITE WEEK!!"

HIPSTER HOLOCAUST

2008-06-02T12:26:00.000-07:00

whoa.

so that was McCarren park on a hot sunday.
who knew.

i've never seen so many un-fit humans in my life time.
if richard simmons walked into what i walked into,
he would have pep talked himself to death trying to help people
,not realizing that they are all TRYING to appear this way
befuddled and full of panic he would have buzzed from posse to posse motivating the vegans to put down their baked lays and throw a frisbee or to join the mexican volleyballers.

you know something is wrong with the world when all the men are eating disorder skinny
the girls are frumped out
and people jockey for spots IN THE SHADE instead of the sunshine.

I am far form perfect, but i was very sad to see such a display of the current mindstate of NYC fauna.

sure, location, location, location but still.

it was picnic pose after picnic pose
lines 50 deep for the women's bathroom
and people sleeping off hangovers and drug highs
there was far more brown bags then lemonaids in those hipster hands

props to the kickballers-though it's hardly a sport
and they're in it for the social benefits and cute tight ass shirts
not the fitness
same goes for the skateboarders.
sorry, that's not a sport either,
a greatly technical and fun activity to be appreciated but not something any person who has the coordination to ollie cant do. (fat people ride bikes too, i rest my case.. the wheels do all the work)

i felt like a freak with my muscle tone.. sure there was the odd fella with a tricep,and the newly crowned "king of McCarren Park" who had on some new cons, nice shorts, some tats, very well built handsome older gent who my boy and i remarked "how could he be any cooler" oh, he had a nice man bag too. but he wore it all very well. if there was like a hipster beauty pageant he'd be my entry for east williamsburg- male category

the reason he was so attractive? he obviously took care of himself, (ate and excercised) he had to be my age... yet he was 600 percent more attractive in spirit and physique then almost everyone there (Except my boy who's ridiculously built, he only had him by like 237 percent)

I may be a judgmental prick but at least i know that if i ran into the middle of McCarren Park on a sunday afternoon and ran around stealing people's 40 ozs and shouting "fuck you lame ass hipsters" no one would be able to catch me and the ones that didn't even bother trying would be sitting around saying to themselVes "oh, he's not talking to us"

well.... idk. im done ranting.

HERE'S A MSG FROM MY BOY TO ALL YOU HIPSTERS OUT THERE! HE SENT IT TO ME THIS MORNING AFTER READING MY BLOG ON A DIFFERENT WEBSITE

s.i.c.k. OF k.i.d.s

2008-05-25T19:04:00.000-07:00

ewwww.

yup

life is like a video game and every one is at a different save point.

it's like i have already won and i am just playing bonus missions.

meanwhile everyone around me "finally" got the ability to use a loaded gun and not just the "stunner"

*sighs

tip for y'all, hit x+y+R2 & 1 to give unsuspecting burmese guards a golden shower!

Either I am old, or I am right, the 80's must die

2008-05-22T08:28:00.000-07:00

(for the ladies, a picture of an 80's male model down below, how it should still be today, not these skinny girly looking men with just eyes and lips and pretty hair)

so..

I was very bored the other night with people's fashion sense... sure i loved the stockings and cleavages and tight outfits but the hairstyles and accessories and over stylings, all of the 80's mold, was just plain tired.

and it was all being rocked by 18-25 yr olds.

so I am wondering, how come when i was in the 80's people weren't rocking outfits from the seventies or 60's? (well actually maybe the were.. like cute button up blouses and mini skirts but everything in the 80's was big, fucking shoulder pads for christ sake) SO anyways nowadays people only remember the eighties as the madonna desperately seeking susan look and the cyndi lauper b.s. but back then people who dressed like that were a super small percentage and reminiscent on a niche level of todays goth types.

desperately wanting to be apart form the norm. so now it's the norm, ok fair enough but-

(i recall lots of turtle necks, preppy fuckers, the boom in "luxury" and the very boring "gap" styles, the boom in jeans from guess to girbaud amongst the masses. i myself blossomed into a wigger in '86 but never stooped to wearing karl kani thank you very much)

can we stop listening to the cure and joy division?

the 80's was a time of real angst mixed with naivete, the cold war we deep on people's minds and we lived in a real world with no emails, IMs, cell fones or even beepers. if you went out you went OUT. and you escaped home, your friends or GF?BF whomever. you were in the world, as opposed to integrating it into your lifestyle. it's like the whole club was a "new face plate" for my life at that moment...

i was marvelled by the posse of ducky boy stand-ins as the paraded into the club (happy endings - tuesday night) with their super stylized ambiguously sexual apperances... (double their odds of getting a hand job) i liked the two bleach blond girls who wore the same head band, can you imagine the embarrasment of not being the only cool girl with black rimmed glasses, bleach blonde hair and a head band? i also liked the standard issue super popular funny looking guy who all the hot girls and scenester boys gave props to all night, of course he tirned out to be the one selling lift tickets, who knew. (and he had that charming foreign accent, oh to be illegal and live fearlessly, i miss it)

so either I am getting old, or that scene it, it was probably half fashion students, don't they realize you just CAN'T BE ORGINAL ANYMORE? so it's best to just be yourself.

even the gay men were tacky. oh the despair.

this isn't a "what happened to the good old days" rant, it's more like an observation, i didn't like the 80's in the 80's and i damn sure don't like it now. i just think the kids these days are lazier then ever which i guess means maybe they do realixe you can't be original so they don't try, they just dress in a socailly acceptable way which shows that they have some sort of cool meter.

i musta stood out like a sore thumb.

p.s. can we have a revolution of the 80's gym culture instead please? i've never seen so many frumpy girls and anorexic boys. gross

and another thing, in the 80's germans were considered cool and cutting edge. wow right?

MY 80's looked like this

..

male models looked like this in the 80's (now we only see these men in runway underwear and beach stuff)

how people "remember the 80's"

being bit by all stylists and editors who are just mailing it in

now, prepare for reality, a sample of how teen agers really looked in the 80's

wow look at this guy (where is he now?) ---------------------------------->

B O D E G A

2008-05-19T22:08:00.000-07:00

my profound observation of the day

2008-05-19T11:02:00.001-07:00

So i figured out that FLAVOR FLAV and FRED ASTAIRE are pretty much the same person.

COMPARE

if they had a child

so how to describe their unique look??? I am befuddled... I guess I would agree with my fine friends back home in Minny. (who graduated from Normandale you betcha)

NYC's "finest"

2008-05-19T07:48:00.000-07:00

I can't believe what i just done heard walking back on B'WAY (BK) from my local bodega

so some guy is pissing on a vacant store front, (normal around here)
a popo rolls up (by coincidence)
the lady cop shouts over her PA system

"hey man, you can't pee in public"

he finishes (as you can't stop mid stream)

unempathetic to his dilemma

then she says

"hey, man.

don't make me get out of this car now"

wtf?!

god forbid you have to do your job you fat lazy american ghetto cop.

if it was me

i woulda gone up to her

"don't make me pee on your car"

pee'd on her fender just to make her chase my ass.

pssst

"don't make me get out of this car now"

she thought she was being nice.. when he tried to walk away she said

"hey, get over here."

she's still "chewing him out"

14 mins later...

never got out the car.

still giving him a drive by chastitizing

lame

butter nut reduction... always liked this video

2008-05-19T07:46:00.000-07:00

TIPS FOR YOUNG MEN TRYING TO LEARN THE ROPES WITH WOMEN

2008-05-15T10:30:00.001-07:00

Stop being results oriented. "they" are not results oriented. (if you've never had a job or wrote a resume that means that going for the ass is the "result")

They are interested in the castings, the process, the feelings, the trial and error, playing judge judy then finally the approval or denial.

you can't say you "respect them" you have to show it. you can't do dumb things like reverse physchology either - if you act disinterested, they will take offense, "what's wrong with him I am almost throwing it at him, is he retarded?"

yet- if you are too aggressive, they will take offense "what kind of girl do you think i am!"

so you have to walk a very tight rope dealing with that double edged sword.

there's the side of them that desperately wants you to be "worthy" or their vagina field trips, then there's the other side that takes a meticulous cautious safety first approach - get the note from mom if you will, pack a lunch, be prepared for rain etc.

here is what a man who made no time for pussy, McGyver, suggests you arm yourself with when walking that awful mixture of metaphors.

1. some chewing gum
2. a 6 ft 2x4
3. a low altitude parachute

I won't tell you grasshoppers the genius in MacGyver's plan, you have to figure it out for yourself... if you are thinking "walk softly..." you are off to the right start.

if you take the polar opposite kind of man, say BOOKMAN or SCHNEIDER you have the polar opposite results, both men had enormous tool belts but never got anything accomplished, no "results" they tried and tried and flirted and flirted but never had emmm success! i apologize for using such old comparisons that existed before your time but they're aren't too many comparable characters in this politically correct awful world of television these days.

so be that mysterious genius creative and resourceful MacGyver guy and not the cheesy well prepared by the book "i can't fix that it's not the buildings" guy

SO LAST BUT NOT LEAST, HERE IS A LIST OF SOME THINGS MACGYVER ACCOMPLISHED WITH OUT EVEN HAVING A CELL PHONE, IF HE CAN DO THESE, THEN YOU CAN MANAGED TO GET A BRA AND SOME PANTIES OFF NO?!? YOU CAN DO IT!! GO GET THEM...

HOPEFULLY YOU'LL HAVE SO MANY GIRLS OVER, THIS WILL BE YOUR ONLY PROBLEM!!

Pilot (1x01)
MacGyver defuses a highly advanced nuclear warhead using a paper clip to short circuit the timing device. He also makes a "Rocket Thruster" by hitting a flare gun with a rock, launching him and a man he rescues from a mountain. He smashes a pair of binoculars, removing a prism to deflect a laser beam back to the emitter and destroys it.
MacGyver plugs a sulfuric acid leak with chocolate. He states that chocolate contains lactose and sucrose (chemically C12H22O11), which are disaccharides. The acid reacts with the sugars to form elemental carbon and a thick gummy residue.
MacGyver creates a bomb to open a door using a gelatin cold capsule containing Sodium metal, which he then places in a glass container filled with water. When the gelatin dissolves in the water, the sodium reacts violently with the water and causes an explosion which blows a hole in the wall. ("MythBusters" busted the size of the explosion but verified that pure sodium does cause an exothermic reaction when mixed with water, just not enough to destroy a concrete wall.) This could have not been an error, but a way to stop the show's more industrious viewers from producing a dangerous explosive. The alkali metal was possibly Rubidium or another more reactive alkali metal.

The Golden Triangle (1x02)
In order to create a distraction, MacGyver connects a self-inflating life jacket, a self-inflating boat, and a signal flare together so that as the life jacket inflates it pulls the ripcord off the boat. This serves as a time-delay mechanism. As the boat inflates it sets off the pen flare.
MacGyver and the people of a village he is protecting create a trap using a bamboo pipe with holes drilled along its length, "fire ash", and "rice alcohol". The fire ash and rice alcohol are ejected through the holes in the pipe by a car exhaust, creating a smoke screen and irritating the eyes of their attackers.
To slow down their attackers, MacGyver places a large tree branch across the access road to the village. Using some cord wrapped around the triggers, he hooks the branch up to some AK-47 assault rifles pointing toward the road at ground level. When the soldiers try to move the branch, they inadvertently pull the cord and the guns shoot out their jeeps' tires. To bring down a helicopter gunship, MacGyver lassos a metal cable onto the helicopter's landing rails and connects the cable to a jeep's winch. By winding in the winch, he pulls the helicopter to the ground.

Thief of Budapest (1x03)
MacGyver uses a board and a bunch of light bulbs to simulate the sound of a tire being blown. He uses salt combined with sugar and a small amount of chemical enhanced weed killer to create dynamite with a battery acid trigger. He uses a magnifying glass made of a hairpin and wine to read names of spies off a watch. He creates a traffic jam by jamming the timing mechanism for the traffic lights. He makes all police radios within a one mile radius not work by duct taping an ordinary transistor radio to a pick-pocked police radio and sends it up in the sky via about twenty balloons.

The Gauntlet (1x04)
MacGyver, while escaping in a hot-air balloon from armed guards, patches a bullet hole in the balloon using a map and some tape. He creates a distraction by building a mechanism in a church bell tower with two candles and some firecrackers. A rope holds a bell in the tower to one side. The clapper has a lit candle attached to it. The firecrackers are taped to the inner surface of the bell. The other candle is set up to burn through the rope. When it does, the bell is released, and the flame of the candle attached to the clapper contacts the firecrackers, igniting them. When they explode, the sound is amplified by the bell, and the guards in the street are distracted.

The Heist (1x05)
MacGyver rigs a pair of dice by rounding some of the edges with a shoe buffer with an abrasive added so that the chance of rolling a '7' is increased. In order to create a distraction to swap the dice at a craps table, using some string and a paper clip, MacGyver fastens the string to the paper clip then attaches it to the dress of a woman who is walking nearby and steps on the string, pulling down her dress thereby creating a distraction and allowing him to swap the dice.
He uses a strand from a fiber optic lamp to bend a security laser sensor, creating enough space for him to crouch through without setting off the alarm. MacGyver opens a sound activated security lock by filling four glasses partially full of wine at different levels and playing the tones in ascending order. He escapes from the back of a plane mid flight by attaching a parachute to a car and driving it out the back of the plane, landing to safety.

i am so sorry, vegans

2008-05-15T08:39:00.000-07:00

but your cookies taste like shit.

they do.

why make vegan cookies?

you can't take a recipe that calls for butter and eggs and make it with out the butter and eggs. (pls note same goes for cake as well)

so eat fruit and get on with your life.

that's just how the cookie crumbles

i love butter, and i give it my full support

you go, butter! do your thing

I HATE DESPERATE STRAPHANGERS

2008-05-13T10:10:00.000-07:00

So here's the scene.

We're all on the
F train at 2nd avenue. packed fucking train.

9:37 AM. We are waiting for our doors to close as a V TRAIN pulls into the station, then opens it's doors.

The MTA voice over the loudpspeaker says "The V train will be leaving this station first" and then all of a sudden,

no joke,

half of the fucking F TRAIN runs out across the platform to get onto the V train. About 1.
7 SECONDS after this mutiny started, this wave of rude and every man for themselves band of brigands armed with briefcases and gay messenger bags, we all here the "DaDIng DONG' sound of closing doors (and think to ourselves on the F train - "YES strand them!" =)

So, like kids doing a shuttle run, the ones who aren't close enough all decide to turn back while a few try to make it.
now it was like ships across the ocean with a few casualties of dropped belongings and such (another silent yes!)

This is where MR DO GOOD FUCKING DUDLEY DO RIGHT DOO DOO decides to "hold the doors" with his big ol' fat arms for a bunch of ladies, then men, and before you know it, everyone on the platform is trying to get in the line to go through these half opened doors that superman is holding open for them (all)

apparently there was some kind of stand off between the conductor and this chap and the conductor refused to re-open the doors to expediate the boarding process for all these DESPERATE straphangers while mr do-right refused to close the doors, then he passed the door holding to someone else, who did it for a while and passed it on to yet one more person!

so there we ALL sat on the F train, wathcing, one by one- fat, skinny, with big ass bags, no bags- people go into the V train. I couldn't help but hope just to serve them right our train left first.

5 minutes later they are all on board and off and running. While we sit in our half empty train like losers.

we of course were "being held at the station so the V train could cross" i.e all the selfish desperate and tacky people.

They shouldn't tell us which train is leaving first, knowing full well what will ensue.

I bet the MTA people do that shit on purpose to fuck with people, I would!

I must confess that sometimes when i am going up or down stairs to the platforms i act like i hear a train coming if i have some tourists or fat people behind me just so i can see that look of desperation on their faces and watch them go into super waddle speed with all of their bags and shit.

so let's review...

i love the silouette, it'd be great for a logo for an apparel line

i hate this. "3 deep"

an example of "good door holding" as witnessed by pedestrian office sanchez

F trains like this only exist in heaven

Woo Jing didn't mind that his car "was being held at the station" on his final ride to the sky. it gave him an extra moment to reflect on his life and enjoy his newly uploaded COLDPLAY'S greatest hits album.

RIP WOO JING, 1992-2008 (I'D HOLD THE DOOR FOR YOU ANYTIME, BRO)

i've become a monster

2008-05-13T07:36:00.000-07:00
this morning a hacidic jew cut me off as we were both running into the train.. the doors were about to close and he just blocked me. i asked him if he was blind, the dumb ass stopped right in front of me so i had to "push him suggestively" as if to say "you need to move into the car, sir" which he did. like 4 feet. but i felt bad, he was so frail and skinny and his little locks flailed back like i dropped kicked him between his shoulder blades. i turned to apoligize but there was like 4 of them and i couldn't tell who i pushed and "he" didn't seem to care or maybe he was afraid of me.. so i just smiled the rest of the way.

i can't believe i punked a jew.

i hope i don't see this on my way home tonight

"no, lemme get him. who does that hipster shit think he is"

And the most popular female model in NYC is...

2008-03-31T09:49:00.000-07:00
any guesses?

No, it's not Aggy or Lily or any other english girl,
it's not a popular victoria secrets model either
or a SI swimsuit tart
or a ANTM finalist
or or or nope-

It's Zheng Zhen Ning!

who has been in the same ad campaign since 1985!!

Look familiar?

While all those ladies above may have helped sell millions of panties, perfumes and hand bags, Zheng put her universally attractive face into better pursuits, she was a beacon of hope and love, getting people to take the first step to change, to learn a new language and start a new life! with her help millions of immigrants to NYC have gotten jobs selling news papers in stands, driving taxis, working as customer service reps for keyspan and refilling my water glasses. the list goes on and on! (if only my laundry lady would see these ads maybe my clothes wouldn't make me itch, she always puts in softener )

Sadly despite all the fruits of Zhengs labor she was only paid in a buy out and didn't even get enough money to fix her teeth BUT she did get free lessons and she is using her awesome command of the english language to sue ALCC for misrepresentation and exploitation... she reckons with back pay and interest on a 20 yr campaign she is owed 27 million dollars which would put her right up there with Giselle and Adriana.

I wish her good luck and if you're reading this girl,

!!!

i will be staging a support rally for her next week so come out and represent! Especially all you models that always are looking for a good excuse to skip your castings! support your fellow mannequins

want to know what you name would be in Chinese? go here

FACE BOOK SUCKS

2008-01-14T22:17:00.001-08:00

It's fucking nosey and annoying... it's like you get cold called 57 times a day to take dumb tests about if you are compatible with someone else's favorite princesses. honestly.

"you just got a message"

um, no , you didn't, they just sent some mass gay video on some super dooper funner then a fun wall and everyone on face book gets notified

touie just farted 5 minutes ago. (6 mins ago) to smell it click HERE. to wave it over to all your friends click HERE. if you have a crush on TOUIE"S farts click HERE!

TOUIE someone has a CRUSH on your FART! click HERE to see who it is!

do you have a CRUSH on TOUIE's fart? you want to add touie's fart application to your page?

DEBORAH just commented on TOUIE"S fart

"wow touie, it smells like a wet one, maybe you just drank too much jack daniels. don't tell anyone we were free basing last night ok?"

TOUIE"S FART was TAGGED in a photo! click HERE to see it

*clicks

"i just farted on you hahaha"

TOUIE's FART was voted #4 for BEST FATHER and #2 for MOST FUN in a poll of TOUIE'S friends.

how do you rate with TOUIE'S FART?!!

TAKE THE TEST NOW

FUCK OFF FACEBOOK.

PLEASE DO NOT SEND ME ANY INVITES OR TESTS OR OTHER BULLSHIT.

cheeeeeeers

my first myspace date was just like this

2007-08-20T23:28:00.002-07:00

first "we" forgot the wine key =/
then the tornadoes came and fucked up my hair
she told me she didn't want to see me again, cuz my eyes were bloodshot, and she didn't like stoners.
i kinda lost it and retaliated "im just allergic to W.A.S.P.S"

happy ending though, she deleted her myspace, she is just on facebook now.

"anais NAN" is her name.
psssh.
she's proud of her east indian feminism thesis i reckon

she only adds her ivy league friends though.

what a waste of a fine bottle of rose, supposedly the best wine out of manitoba that year

getting to know your poop

2007-08-19T12:04:00.001-07:00
poop #18

the "ghost poop"

description: a poop where you feel it go, you hear it submerge, you even may get splashed...
but when you look to see it... it's vanished!

where did it go?!?! not even a ripple on the water??

meaning: in many cultures the ghost poop is like a spiritual cleanse or exorcism.. (it's a good thing) it's usually brought on by a sub-conscious desire to purify oneself or by the evil spirit itself getting bored with you and wanting to move on to someone more fun.

if you have never had one then you aren't sinning enough!! so go out and be bad so you can be a host for some evil goodness and enjoy one of life's great experiences

The Pick Up Artist?

2007-08-08T01:02:00.000-07:00
It's a new "Reality Show" on VH-1. It's hosted by a man named Mystery.
He's a Master PUA, (Pick Up Artist) and the man behind the Mystery Method for picking up women. The predictable premise is that he has to teach some dorks how to get girls using his methods. The show also includes the obligatory "elimination" of one of his pupils each week until there is one left, who will be crowned a Master PUA and given 50K.

I'll start out with an old cliche... "A picture says 1,000 words."

Mystery's secret methods included getting girls drunk, dressing like Punky Brewster
and making up stories of the "old glory days driving an 18 wheeler"

How about a few thousand more words then... ?
Just because it's my blog and I can't believe how ridiculous this man dresses.

Mystery, again, in the center.

In an effort to stay under budget, stylists from VH1 bought the
whole rack of Jay Kay's old clothes at his annual garage sale

I can't get enough of this guy, here is one more.
I forgot what I was even gonna say, but look at this!

(sorry it's a small picture)

hot tip #17. pretend you are the Red Baron, your gramps founded the frozen
pizza company, and finish "the move" with Snoopy/Red Baron Underoos!

Ok, if I still have your attention, then I must be well on my way to becoming a great PUA! Instead of sharing with you all my newly learned skills from the Mystery Method website, I'd like to just skim over the bits I found "blog worthy" and maybe talk about the show I saw as well. (You see me "teasing you" with what if's, keeping you engaged, I'm a fast learner.) This is a bit of text that JUMPED out at me, directly off his website!

Fashion: Your clothing choices can dramatically improve your looks. They also convey your identity. Chapter 20 explains how to do both, including before-and-after photos of one of our instructors. We go over specifics for every part of the body and the clothing choices you can and should make.
I would like to stress to my loyal blog readers, the pictures above are AFTER shots, not before. So i'll let you you be the judge and determine for yourselves if it's worth checking out the website. You could pay the $68 for his book, read a few hundred words about how to engage women in conversation, utilize body language and create playful touching scenarios or you could just fork it over to my boo Chastity and "learn yo'self" all that in the time it takes to play a song. (Usually "She's a Maniac" but sometimes she likes to dance to "The Jellybug" by Wham) If you tell her I sent you, she'll give you a double play!

According to Mystery's fashion tips, this man's Avatar says "I am a tropical
electrician specializing in Whirlpool and sauna lighting"

I'd like to post one more thing from his website, it's from an article published in the NY Times. I am publishing it for selfish reasons. You see, it has always been a mystery to me how Magicians have landed the finest women in spite of there horribly cheesy taste. People are always quick to shoot down my theory, that Magicians rule the roost, but check these out.

"And presto change-o my cock is 12 inches long! Now spread your legs, and I'll make it disappear!"

David Blaine's former girl, Josie, gave him a taste of his own medicine and vanished

Doug Henning cast a spell on Mrs. Piggy. She
dumped Kermit because he couldn't bite her nipples.

Here is the excerpt from the NY TIMES.
A thin, long-haired 28-year-old standing 6-foot-5, Mystery strode into the hotel atop a few additional inches of platform boot. When the four of us had gathered on lobby couches, he explained that he was once like us. At 21, he said, he was lonely and living with his parents on the outskirts of Toronto. In hope of improving his social life and perhaps landing a job as a magician in the process, he began taking a public bus to bars and clubs at night. After hundreds of rejections, he put together, piece by piece, a method that he called group theory, which allowed him to display his personality to people before saying no was even on their mind. He started landing magic gigs at corporate events and on talk shows. His goal in teaching workshops, he said, was to support a touring magic act.
Fascinating! SO instead of becoming a magician to get girls, he got girls, to make money teaching other people how to get girls, in order to have a magic tour of his own! So where does that leave us? Are you ready to come home with me? Did my blog arouse you? Are you, like me, going to tune in religiously to The Pick Up Artist on VH1 just to see how ridiculous his outfits are? See if you can pick him out of this crowd pictured below...

Eye make up, goggles, gauntlets, a choker, black nails, small mythril vest, Armor class = 3

Did you find him? If you didn't notice him, he's the guy with the "Mystery" LED sign around his neck.

Ahem! Again... Just putting this out there.

"Your clothing choices can dramatically improve your looks. They also convey your identity."

Moving on, I carefully watched the credits after the premier episode and noticed something very peculiar. For all of Mystery's clothes, no credit was given, it simply said "Mystery's Own."

Is Mystery holding out on us? Does he use MAC make up? Where does he get his hats? Are those the REAL secrets to getting women? Why not inform us of his knowledge?

In magic terms that is what they call a "kill." It's when the secret, or technique or method or source is revealed thus making "it" explainable and not exciting. I guess Mystery just wants to live up to his name - keep us guessing in regards to what the right accessories are for success. Reminds me of another selfish magician. (And the only pussy in his life hated him... so what gives?)

Azreal! A bolo tie, a fuzzy hat, black nail polish and glitter down your pants and presto, you're a lady killer!

Tune in and find out, or check back with me later. I'll be sure to chart the outfits of his "students" as they go through their transformations as well as his carefully procured wardrobe choices. Maybe I can crack the accessorizing code and become a Don Juan my damn self.

Until then, some more for the road, and one for Joanna...

"um, hi, this is my wing man, i mean, my buddy ice man, and, erm, he has great teeth"

The main mystery here being how anyone can keep a straight face
when talking to this emo Costume Store Bargain Bin Buying Clown

Mateusz i Mystery - twórca Mystery Method - na konferencji
PUA w Las Vegas, USA, luty 2006

dear Paper magazine

2007-07-20T17:30:00.000-07:00
Rihanna?!

picture from papermag.com. check it out.

I could not wait to dive into this article to see if the writer, Beverly Smith, could make her interesting. I read the whole piece and concluded that she couldn't- due to no fault of her own however. She painted Rihanna in a very positive, smiley tone, maybe so the reader wouldn't pre-judge her as just another homogenized cookie cutter RnB girl created by a board of directors... but more so as an AUTHENTIC and SINCERE homogenized cookie cutter RnB girl created on the rough and tumble streets of Barbados. An endorsement of her endorsability as opposed to an indictment of her capability.

I am not disputing that Rihanna can BLOW. She can clearly sing. But what is she saying? She is so young... does she write any of her own lyrics? Has she even lived any of these experiences in her songs? I wondered what made her capable of being a Paper Magazine cover girl? It wasn't because she has anything interesting to say, in fact, everything she talked about had to do with her appearance and style. Was it so Paper could push some of Heatherette's clothes (i love you guys) and sell magazines i guess..? Is their demographic that young now? Are they trying to steal "readers" from Honey and other teen glossys? Am I the only one alienated by this cover choice? I normally look to paper to introduce me to "up and comers" or people working on the fringe in their industries... but Rihanna? Pop culture sure, but she's utterly commercial.

Here's a gem from Rihanna.
"Every time i come to NY i get tempted to do something weird like get a piercing or a tattoo"

Wow. That's craaazy! Clearly she is a very young lady who is still looking for her identity. She is probably years away from it and this "re-invention" of hers is nothing more then changing the face plate on one's cell phone. Worth a two page article though?

What has REALLY changed? She uses trendier, well her new stylists, use trendier labels? OH, wait, her hair has changed too!!! An unbeweavably bold move no?

"I wanted to get a little dirty, dye my hair black and cut it short"

GASP! Such filth.
*shocked

Everything they talked about, literally, had to do with appearances.
"When i did that metallic stuff for my Umbrella Video, I didn't do it to show my body I didn't do it for people to like me. I did it because I was a cool visual, unexpected, and it looked hot. (Did she just contradict herself here?) I just find myself leaning towards stuff that only Madonna can pull off."
Now, to Mrs Smith's credit, she called Rihanna on this claim... (and even called out my blogging retort with the proficiency of one of Cleo's employees of the month)
"Drawing parallels between yourself and Madonna might sound cocky, but coming from Rihanna, with her youthful confidence and casual fearlessness, it's downright endearing"
Wow. What a PR genius Mrs. Smith is. Instead of just saying "Aww, isn't Rihanna's naivete and bravado cute?" She made it a positive, "confidence... fearlessness," all the while not compromising her integrity as a writer. I wish she would have expounded on it though. Rihanna was clearly speaking about appearances and NOT subject matter. Madonna had controversial lyrics, a controversial book and was a MAVERICK in the freedom of expression in the pop world. She brought censorship to the forefront. Rihanna?

(this line intentionally left blank)

To go along with the theme of "cute but, like, different," Paper made the accompanying photo shoot a documentary on all two of Rihanna's endearing qualities. Her confidence - displayed by her brave Mr. T styled use of accessories...

(Hot linked in good faith from my fine friends at Paper Magazine.)

"I pity the fool who forgot to accessorize her right wrist!"

And of course, her fearlessness! Caught below- Her craaazy ass jumping up and down on a trampoline. Unlike B.A. Baracus, Rihanna wasn't afraid of flying! She didn't seem to really pull it off though as well as, say, Madonna could have.

(Hot linked in good faith from my fine friends at Paper Magazine.)

"Action Photo"
trying to avoid a mutiny of boobs from her Luella dress, did they ever succeed i wonder?

There are two things I'd like the folks at Paper magazine to think about.

Why not put you're glorious writer Glenn O'Brien on the cover, and put his ass on a trampoline. I am sure, him having lived "a little", that he would appreciate it, maybe even crack a sincere smile whilst flying through the air. It would bring the readers attention to his fine words. Or more importantly, to his subject matter.
Why didn't you wait a few years, until the dust settled, to do a piece on Rihanna? I'd much rather read the article 10 years from now, about how relieved she is to be out of the closet, working for her own label, and talking about how young and naive she was and how she can't wait to get the "crazy" tattoo of a heart removed from her ankle. Maybe then she will be brave enough to publish the pics of when her boobs got away from Luella too!

Hairy Pot-Whore

2007-07-20T17:24:00.000-07:00
That's the name of my new novella.
It's about a pot head lesbian who doesn't shave and is very promiscuous.

Shirley was ready for true love but "wanted get some cheetos and a slurpy first"

I think all this Harry Potter madness is just silly-
it's a book.

Is this not an indictment of how bad other books are then? Are there not other "reads" as nice as this one? Here's a look at the top seven "best sellers" at the end of July.

Harry Potter and Deathly Hallows
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone
Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets
Ricochet
Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix
The Secret (Don't get me started on this one)
Pretty scary eh? Cult like even? The escapism factor in these books, both in the audience and the author penning them is huge. Not saying it's a bad thing but...

Can't people find a little magic in their own lives?

this man has found it, you can too! Or go to his show!

I know my hairy ass lesbian is gonna ultimately give up the weed and find true love... leave the magic stick and get some magic ___. (and no, sorry, she doesn't turn straight for my lesbian friends who wanted to try to catch me hatin') Here she is... true love.

You don't have to be high to appreciate her new love's romantic flair and attention to detail.
(magic ___ not shown)

Books and reading are utterly over rated, they are no better or worse then TV except that they "exercise" the mind.. but they don't allow for people to live or exercise their bodies. Nor are the necessarily true, valid or useful. You can't REALLY travel in a book, or meet anyone. There is no sincerity, just feelings and escaping.

It's important to know how to read, but all this SHIT people read, its desperate housewives in print.

The new Apple and Eve diet book by ABC

Harry potter is just, well, Harry Potter in print.

I'm glad at least people can be excited about something, but saddened by the lemming like display of enthusiasm as if everyone rushing out to buy one is going to be part of anything meaningful. It's not.

Sadly little Susan peaked a little early in life, this was her finest hour.

Its just a damn fantasy book.
A book that was propelled to its current status by marketing, millions and millions of dollars spent mind you, and by word of mouth aka hype. No one wants to feel left out i guess.

If only all these CONSUMERS who are buying 3 and 4 per household since they CANT EVEN SHARE since they are OBSESSED with finishing it would also get out and vote, or volunteer..

these people aren't voting or protesting or volunteering or even sleeping at 12am

Just imagine if all these pathetic people who stayed out in line all night, for free, for 24 hours would have spent that in 3 eight-hour volunteer shifts in a local community house or shelter?

i don't even want to know what the final sales figures will be when its all done with this weekend. it will be so depressing.

i think Oprah and the author of harry potter should run for president.

fittingly-

i am currently reading THE END OF FAITH by Sam Harris. (thanks mom)

i think he should write a chapter on the fanaticism of harry potter fans and how corrosive they can be to our well being

now back to my novel..
I'm doing pre-orders if anyone wants one...

summer colds

2007-07-17T17:27:00.000-07:00
suck ass.
holy sinus pain
feels like a cat scratched my throat.

i've eaten 137 halls today.

137 packs of these
My pee is cherry red
My farts are menthol.
when i inhale i think, "hey I'm recycling!"

Someone please come and chop my head off with a sword?

so i can go to work.

Donalicious was a fine Doctor- here he is curing "poor circulation"

KNOCKED UP

2007-07-01T22:02:00.000-07:00
shit.

"we have to talk"

She's knocked up.
(maybe)
could be stress and lack of iron

So now we have to pick out a name for the abortion.

these names were already taken by hurricanes

She likes "stewart."

Stewart used to make fun of my boo in middleskoo

I like "flusher"

I am an immoral cold piece of steel inside (apparently)

Oh my lord this is the worst blog ever.
(dont tell my mom!)

You might not see the value in this, but pretend you had to name an abortion,
then ask yourself why you picked that name.

Good study on inner turmoil.

On Family Feud,

it went down like this,

RICHARD DAWSON
what names do people pick for their abortions.. top five names are on the board.... ?!??"

BUZZ
cornelius?

RICHARD DAWSON
survey says?!!!!

XXX

BUZZ
george bush?

DING DING!!

SCOREBOARD
93!!!!

RICHARD DAWSON
ok, catholic family, your game!

*kisses the matriarch

RICHARD DAWSON
so, abortions eh? you guessed the number one answer...
whats left? you get three tries or the protestants can steal...

THE PROTESTANTS
(interupting)
we don't believe in stealing... or abortions...

THE CATHOLICS
(interupting and shouting)
Martin Luther!!!

Im done. gave myself a chuckle. so sue me.

Mrs. luther confessed later that he "may have been" an accident

Bring the troops home!

2007-04-23T22:01:00.001-07:00

real depression is not selfish =/

2007-04-23T09:15:00.001-07:00
nor is it emo.

it's empty.

it's well beyond apathetic.
it's angst that boils over
resentment of "normal" people
wondering why you can't be happy
ever
no matter how "good things are going for you"

it's looking around the room for anything that matters
and coming up empty handed
it's desperate phone calls to answering machines

loss of will

it's asking god
or anyone
to do something

you reach out and reach out
and hopeful you're caught

if not,
if you're lucky,
you cry it out
wail more like...
until you pass out

the only thing that helps is sleep.
unconditional love
or death.

selfish people commit suicide

the rest suffer
alienate themselves
and pretend to give a shit.

most people out there don't have a clue what it's like
it's not acute
it's not "whoa is me"
it's not "im sad"

it's way way worse.

it's living without spirit.
it's the tin man with out Dorothy

send me to the scrap yard
i want to be recycled
and come back as a Toto

the "boy" in this video looks just like me!

2007-04-16T11:56:00.000-07:00
when i was a teenager.

creepy

for my momma...

2007-04-16T00:51:00.001-07:00
i have a hunch you'll enjoy this.

=)

Where is your querencia?

2007-04-14T22:49:00.000-07:00

"It is the orginal eagerness of the bull which takes one's breath. Suddenly he is there, hurtling at the barrier, searching for something soft and human to flick over his shoulder, trying to hook his horn smack into the glittering belly of the matador foolish enough to be there.

But there is a moment after the initial teasing when the bull realizes that ridding the ring of these butterfly creatures is not what the evening is about. sometimes it comes when the picador is driving his lange into the bull's crest - the thick muscle between the shoulder blades. sometimes it comes with the first wrench of his back when the matador turns him to quickly, sometimes it comes when the banderillos place their darts into that same muscle and the bull shakes himself, trying to free himself from that bright light in his brain. or it may come later, when the matador is trying to turn the bull again and again, trying to wrench that same muscle which he uses to hold up his head, to charge, to toss a horse. it is that moment the bull stops and almost thinks, when his eagerness dissappears and the bull realizes these butterflies can cause him pain, when he turns to hunt out his querencia...

it sounds like care: querencia- and it means affection or fondness, coming from querer, to want or desire or love, but also to accept a challenge as in a game, but it also means a place chosen by a man or an animal - querencia- the place one cares about most. where one is secure, protected, where one feels safest. in the ring, it may be a spot near the gate or the place he was first hurt or where the sand is wet or where there's a little blood, his querencia, even though it looks like any other part of the ring, except this is the spot the bull picks as his home, the place he will defend and keep on returning too, the place he again decides to fight and lift his head despite the injured muscle, the place the matador tries to keep him away from, when the bull sensing defeat is most dangerous and stubborn.

The passage through adulthood is the journey through bravado, awareness and resignation which the bull duplicates in his fifteen minutes in the ring. as for the querencia, we all have a place where we feel safest, even if it is only the idea of a place, or maybe, an idea by itself. the place that all of our being radiates out from, like an ideal of friendship or justice or perhaps something simpler like the memory of a back porch where we laughed a lot and how the setting sun through the pine trees shone on the green chairs, flickered off the ice cubes in our glasses.

We all have some spot in our mind which we go back to from a hospital bed or a fight with our loved ones, or from the wreckage of a life.

so the bull's decision is only the degree to which he decides to fight, since the outcome is already known, since the mules are already harnessed to drag his body across the sand. will he behave with dignity? or will he be fearfull with his thick tongue lolling from his mouth and the blood making his black coat shiny and smooth?

and the audience, no matter how much it admires the matador, watches the bull and tries to catch a glimpse of its own future..."

exerpt from VELOCITIES by Stephen Dobyns

painting- some picasso fella?

"and Marx is claiming it was offsides!" haha

2007-04-11T21:30:00.000-07:00

watch it, the ending is the best!

the danger of thinking!?

2007-04-11T20:13:00.000-07:00
why reason can be treason.

i'll speak simply.

we all know situations when we judge or get judged.

it all has to do with our reality.

what the world is "supposed" to be like. how people are "supposed" to be.

this is a very subjective all encompassing "supposition" if that makes any sense.

person A can't fathom situation 1 while person B knows it to be a reality.

can you see how this creates conflict?

why not judge people?

because we are not god.

the universe is WHAT it is, regardless of our opinions or actions

it is not about being right or wrong, or morality.

im not talking about killing or abuse or stealing.
those are "no brainers"
but there are ALWAYS exceptions.

i'm talking about being presumptuous and irrational. more times then not, humans jump to conclusions, well, in this country they waddle to them or back their suv's up to them but they get to them none the less.

for example.

ME

i can write about pussy and cock in one blog, then the next, write beautiful whimsical romantic poetry.

you might read one and not the other and rush to judge me.

what good does it do?

none

why bother?

we bother because we want the world to be organized, to make sense.. we have an idea of what it is "supposed" to be like, and we try to fit people and events into those ideas.

so what the hell are you saying touie?

I'm saying that there are people out there who "get it" and people out there who don't.

it seems that there are a few reasons people "get it", some quicker then others, and these people become "open minded" as opposed to what has become the norm i think, "judgemental"

the reasons/ cause of "enlightenment"

!. people who have almost died or suffered chronic illness
2. people who have lost loved ones or suffered great heartache
3. people that have had no quality of life, starved, homeless etc.

actually, i don't like that list. a new one.

a. people that don't appreciate their life because it's been a given
b. people that appreciate their life because they've persevered.

group A tends to be judgmental and narrow minded.
(not conservative, just stubborn of their reality)

group B tends to be open minded and patient.
(not liberal, just open minded to other realities, "hey, im not god")

why can't group A just learn from group B?

because each individual has to create their own universe.
their environment is very controlled, especially with how hard they cling to their "supposed realities"

this is why ignorance is seemingly impossible to reason with.

cuz in their minds, their universe, their rationale is unfaltering.

the more the universe acts against you, the quicker you learn how very fragile and beautiful life is, and the less you cling to silly and conceited or naive view points.

(conceit is the same as naive in my book!)

the sad news is that you can't evolve while you control your environment.

so this affects the rich and the poor equally...
again, i'm not talking politics.

I'm talking about people's conviction in their perceived realities.

the poor get apatehtic, and who should blame them?
while the rich feel unfullfilled,
why aren't they happy?
they are "supposed" to be.

ironic how they could help each other, no?

so why do some people end up getting it and some don't?

why do some get it early, and some never do?

i have no clue. i can't pretend to know, im not out to make up some law or thesis.
that would be hypocritical of me.

i'm not god.
though this is pretty darn close!

i feel like a miracle!

i'm just pointing out what to me seems real simple.

the harder you try to figure out the world
the further you get from "getting it "

supposedly we are the only species with REASON
and what has it done for us?

made us question our inert compassion.
allowed us to invent moralities, guilt, shame
convince ourselves we are better or worse then others

the animals would all laugh at us if they gave it much thought.

but they don't.
do they?

Dear Rutgers basketball teamsome advice

2007-04-11T14:29:00.000-07:00
Don Imus is an asshole.

this just in-

they exist.

there are misogynistic people and *gasp racist people in this world.

some of them are in the media.

some of them are not well liked (rush limbaugh)

and loved (rush limbaugh)

BUT to sit there and say

"it has stolen a moment of pure grace from us"

or

"this has scarred me for life"

or EVEN WORSE

"we fought, we preserved, we believed in ourselves, but all of our accomplishments were lost. we were stripped of this moment by the degrading comments of mr imus."

WHAT?!?

what the fuck is going on here?

who gave him THAT power??

(the media, sharpton, the people who don't shut up about it, who tell the rutger's girls how demeaned they were etc...)

People are that upset that a complete stranger said some stuff about "them", no one specifically, and they are scarred for life?

this is why i hate political correctness and the media.

making stuff such a big deal when it isn't one.

THE RUTGERS team- they are not victims of anything.

Imus is just an asshole.

that's all there is to it.

how far have we fallen to were some dumb choice words can strip us of anything?

again, Imus is an asshole, fire him, whatever. who cares?
he said it, the advertisers are pulling out, he will lose listeners, it works itself out.

didn't we learn anything through history?

They should be like "who gives a fuck, he's an old out of touch asshole"

but instead you have "black leaders" making waves, so they can gain from it personally- obviously, Sharpton was ridiculous acting like the P.C. police. what a dip shit he is. (and the you people thing, Imus was just saying you people, meaning the people who were busting his chops, it was obvious, i lost all respect for Sharpton taking that gay ass angle. so childish.)

We all know Imus is an old ass. He said some stupid shit, that was more misogynistic then it was racist. (if a black man said it it wouldn't be considered racist at all which just shows how dumb identity politics are!)i saw school daze, there is a reason Spike wrote and directed that movie, to discredit identity politics, at least between people who are the "same".

to me, the same means, everyone.

we're all humans.

and there is nothing more human then being an asshole.

don't forgive him, who cares.

but the sooner you forget him
the better

otherwise you are giving his words meaning. and just promoting the whole patriarchal - victim circle.

instead of just not giving a shit.

here's some perspective.

fucking get on with your lives!

this guy doesn't deserve any of your attention.

did he take away your scholarships?
did he break your legs so you can't play anymore??
did he knock you over with a fire hose?
or sick dogs on you?
did he ban you from a school?

NYC socialites - boys and girls

2007-04-09T14:14:00.000-07:00
It's hard not to know who these people are. They are in the papers.. well, the Post, all the time. Just google "Greek Shipping Heir". You will get two, maybe three guys. One who gets my goat.. and makes me wonder if high school actually stopped is...

Stavros Niarchos

He's rich, young and good looking. (Yes I'm jealous)

A pre-requisite to date other rich and young and attractive girls. Unless you are a model chic,(defined as one known by name) in which case all you need to be is young and great looking. Even hot model boys can pull these girls, due to shared proximity, lifestyle and access-but usually the girls are no stranger to the success and popularity of the individual boy... if he isn't making tons of money, or in all the campaigns, he is probably one of the boys a model chic wouldn't look twice at. "I don't date other models" i.e. I date boys that "enhance" my image.

Stavros...

( It was impossible to find a pic of him WITH OUT
a famous girl.. which is sort of my point.
We would not know who this boy is otherwise)

He's banged Lindsay Lohan, an Olson Twin, Paris Hilton, a Sport's Illustrated "super model."

Apparently these girls never paid attention in economics class. If I had tits and an ego, I'd want to be the lady who Didn't bang him. But that's not the point. He's like a great hand bag that these girls simply must have.

I think it's odd how much these people limit themselves in their choices for partnering.. (same goes for actors and actresses!) but I'm not surprised. If you go to Ciprianis downtown or that place on 6th avenue with the outdoor seating its really like one big high school lunch table. One's popularity can be determined by four things. If you are rich, famous i.e. popular, good looking or fucking someone who is.

Except the latter only works for women. No matter how hard I tried, I will never be allowed into that circle; no matter how many famous women I screwed I would always be referred to as a "hunk boy" or "handsome man on her side" or "unknown bohemian escort" because-

My Dad isn't famous so I am not
I don't have a comp card identifying me
I'm not on IMDB
You can't google me (I'm google proof beeotches!)
In other words- I am not one of them. They don't have to respect me or see me as anything. I have gone to Cipriani, with 3 models on my arm... for the cheesy Sunday upstairs party- and got denied access. They let the girls go in. I didn't make a fuss... why should I? I already had their phone numbers, they were my friends. I let them enjoy themselves and get the free food. Lord knows they should eat! This is normal.. the guys sift out any competition, to increase their chances. God forbid a smart and attractive normal guy should be there showing up all these vacant rich men. (I'm an alpha male meaning I show men up with out trying)

I didn't want to go anyways...

But I will confess, It annoys me how easy life can be if you're young and pretty in the city. Every day I read about some model girl who is dating some rich guy, even ugly ones. Recently, a sports illustrated supermodel dating a boy 8 years her junior. Maybe he is really nice and cool and smart and funny... right?

pssssh.

I reckon it's just cuz he is filthy rich maybe? No?

How about because Paris Hilton, Lindsay and one of the Olson Twins fucked him so, naturally, she wants to too!

Yes, that's it!

Men are just pawns in the "it" girl's game of chess. Well, maybe checkers? Or maybe connect four would be a better analogy... or Battleship? "You sank my Greek Shipping Boy!"

S. S. Stavros

But do they ever fall in love? Can they? I wish I had access to these circles... I'd love to be sleeping with these models, or socialites (well minus the one with herpes) who wouldn't..? Just for fun? I can't blame these guys at all. You can't accuse them of being tacky, not for these reasons anyways.

no comment

For the guys it's normal to be paranoid of gold diggers, so they want to date "independent attractive women." Let's face it, the super models are the perfect solution. They make 6 figures if not 7 and are very attractive and don't "need" anything from the guys. Unless they want to act, then they are marginalized and have to start from scratch.. then we see their uglier nature come out. They start boning directors and producers.. as was pointed out to me by the post today about the same girl who is dating Mr. Stavros and a lady in Miami dating an Italian movie producer. Who is just 33 I might add. (hurrrrumph)

I make little to no money. I can't afford a lunch at Ciprianis, not that I would pay for that shit but still. I like to sit across the street from there on this huge bench.. eat apples and watch the cool kids posture. Just like my high school days.

I wonder if now, like then, any of those girls wonder about me, who I am.. etc. The guys all notice me, it's hard not to , I stand out. I'm no Brad Pitt or anything but I'm tall and considered good looking etc. I never had a problem getting laid after high school, getting hot girls. But the playing field was even then.

It's harder to meet these girls now, they are all shepherded into little roped off areas in places I can't even get into. Pretty underage girls can walk in no problem... Just like keggers in high school. You can't meet them on the street because they are always on their I-Pods and cellphones. I think it's sad actually how shallow these girls are... they all seem to want to identify themselves by whom they are with! I know I am generalizing, and it seems hypocritical of me to even care. But what can i say? I love beauty. I have a beauty fetish, I have since I was young. Why settle for less then everything?

What is everything though?

I wonder why I care, if I am the only one, or if everyone resents these classisms...? I wonder why these girls sell themselves short, leverage their sex and spirituality to one up each other... At what point do these models or socialites stop believing in themselves and turn to the rich men? Are the rich men always going to be insecure and question a girl's motive? Do they even care? Do they know something that I don't know? Or is it the other way around? Why do heirs only date heirs, actors date actresses or the odd famous athlete? Why do models date rich people? Do any of them ever date normal people? Or poor bloggers in Williamsburg?

Though I envy their proficiency at instant gratification, I have to say I am happy with the cards I was dealt. The best things in life are free. The most important thing to have between two people is sincerity... i think that's the mistake these people make in their pairings. They use artificial value systems imposed on them from an early age to judge others. Meaning, if they are both rich, they are equal, if they are both popular and hot, they are equal...

It never works.

I may never be rich, and I will never be famous. But I have always been sincere. I don't really need to get into these environments because I don't really need to be judged or validated. It will work itself out, I'll get my everything girl. I am glad I don't need the approval or envy of others to like who I am... but I guess sometimes it takes me writing a blog to remind myself.

And as for what's everything? I guess the kind of girl that like to sit around on benches and eat apples and make fun of all the cool people. Someone pretty, sweet and sincere. Someone who would never care that I will never be rich or famous.

EASTER =)

2007-04-07T20:50:00.001-07:00
From our friends at godtube.com.
You can't make this up.
and for more wonderful insights on creationism vs evolution
look at my blog on the spork!

easter bunny vrs jesus!!
it's on!

this is hardcore!! enjoy!!
yeah!!

easter bunny and pastor al team up dancing!

Wait!

IS this that actor Kirk something or other from growing pains?

and is this New Zealandite serious?

Hasn't it occurred to him that the banana is curved due to the fact that it grows on a tree and gravity makes it thus? You can't argue with anyone who says anything is god's will...but

So I guess it was God's Will that this pastor is a spittin' image for Sonny, and thus, he is being irreverent not utilizing that god given gift (I wish i looked like Sonny!) Or maybe sonny faked his death cuz he couldn't handle the day to day pressures of being a mayor?

poor kermit

2007-03-30T16:19:00.001-07:00

Myspace getting into Politics

2007-03-28T21:20:00.000-07:00

That's right!! Check this out...

HAVING already launched a generation of Gwen Stefani clones and death-metal bands into fleeting Internet fame, MySpace — the largest social-networking site — is now setting its sights higher: to help elect the next president of the United States.

Well, I couldn't wait to find out what Obama and Hills were going to do. They both wanted to keep it under wraps, but my inside sources at both camps said that they were "fer sure not going to have one another in their top 8" and that "like, Obama is even making a second page to Moderate an anti-Hillz group and he has 2 of the best spammers doing an around the clock whore me program to get the word out."

They also said he has already picked out his default picture, and is going to use the name ObAmA FeR Yo MaMa.

Obama smokes, just like 80 percent of Myspace

People in Obama's camp also said that they planned to put Obama's mom in his number one friend spot, followed closely by a few "cool" people like Kanye West and... But wait? This JUST in... His page is already up? And his top eight is displayed? What are their stories? I must get to the bottom of this. His number one friend is... Joe.

Apparently Joe doesn't have any real friends, thus his self portrait by camera-fone

Joe is 5'10, single and likes Woody Allen. His slogan is "Yesssss."
In Obama's eighth friend slot is "Melissa" shown below.

Melissa gives his page a little sex appeal

As you can see, she is an ardent Obama supporter! Her page is on private, and the stuck up tart wouldn't add me =/ so I don't know much about her, other then that she lives in Florida, her slogan is " "Keep smiling, it makes people wonder what you're up to!" and apparently she only adds brothers.

So what is going on with Hillary? Well, firstly I'd like to preface that there are over 162 "Hillary Clintons" on Myspace. NONE of which are official. Some of them may have even been made by Obama's special Myspace agents... to create negative press and overall confusion for his chief rival. His head myspace strategist is a kid who calls himself "Foon."

Foon is taking out his pain on Hillary!!

A few of my favorite headlines / slogans from the rogue Hillary profiles.
"I'm a socialist fatty"
"Blow me I support women's rights"
"The nail that sticks up gets hammered down."
Interestingly most of the doppelgangers claim to be "bi-sexual" as well. I wonder what the REAL Hillary will pick? Swinger? Bi? Who is going to be in her top eight? I asked her web designers, who were in a heated argument about using glitter text or falling hearts on her page when I walked in.

"Yo, glitter is mad old, we need to do marquis texts with dollar $ign $'s"

The people in Hillary's camp were not so worried about the top 8, they decided to "like, reduce the drama and stuff, we can like, have some dork put in a code and stuff and hide it." They were more concerned picking out what default picture she is going to use. Many consultants she hired were trying to get her to "like, go emo, or maybe put up an old picture with some cool clothes from the 20's er whatever... or was she a cheerleader? that would be hot... something to get "guys to click on her."

After a long, exhaustive search, these were the 3 finalists. Sadly there were no "self-portraits in mirror" shots, no "shot from above to reveal cleavage pics" nor any of her with black eye liner and bangs in her face.

The classic old photo

The obligatory Warhol pop art photo

The "deep retrospection" pic in cool sun glasses

Off the record a few of her consultants told me that they aren't gonna vote for her when they turn 18. They said she was just "not cool, like she should be on the view or something... Obama is mad cool though, and he's hot. fer sure. And he smokes too. That's cool. Can you buy me some ciggies?"

REAL ARTICLE HERE INCLUDING ACTUAL QUOTE FROM TOM!

jesus had heart but

2007-03-24T19:15:00.000-07:00
he was never a baller...

ricky felt bad not giving the ball to jesus, but it would have been a forward lateral...

even jesus couldn't stop little dirk's finger roll'

and one beeotch!!

"watch my hips and feet, feel my swing, Jesus".

BUT WAIT?!?!

jesus WAS a switch hitter!!

(baseball inside joke)

jesus botched the hand off, though later swore on jesus' name
"...lucy didn't count all the way to five apple, she got to like 3.."

he swore to himself? can you do that? Witnesses sided with lucy despite the threats of eternal damnation from a disgruntled Jesus... it seems hell will have quite a talented football team

in other areas though, jesus is quite skilled!

"leave her to me bobby, virgins are fragile,
besides,she says my name at night, not yours

now THIS is talent.

2007-03-19T21:22:00.000-07:00
find HER HERE (LINK)

An Irish blessing!! Happy St. Patrick's Day

2007-03-17T10:51:00.000-07:00

click for good luck!

This kind of shit pisses me off to no end

2007-03-12T23:55:00.000-07:00

WASHINGTON - The chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff said Monday he considers homosexuality to be immoral and the military should not condone it by allowing gay personnel to serve openly, the Chicago Tribune reported. Marine Gen. Peter Pace likened homosexuality to adultery, which he said was also immoral, the newspaper reported on its Web site. "I do not believe the United States is well served by a policy that says it is OK to be immoral in any way," Pace told the newspaper in a wide-ranging interview. Pace, a native of Brooklyn, N.Y., and a 1967 graduate of the U.S. Naval Academy, said he based his views on his upbringing.

Mr. Pace took G. Bush's "confuse them with hand gestures 101" class

OK. Are you serious? So as long as you are straight, you are by default, moral? What kind of moral compass are you using if you condone torture? (GENERALS) Slaughtering of innocents etc? I'm not going to target any soldiers here, they are told what to do. I am going to point out how hypocritical a statement like this one is. But not for the obvious reasons.

Let's humor him for a minute. So if allowing people who admit to, in their private time, sleeping with members of the same sex, to serve their country is CONDONING "gay sex" then to NOT ALLOW it would be punishing them no? I.E. discriminatory. After all, GAY SEX is not illegal.

Now, what about other immoral things? Or illegal activities? how many drug abusers, alcoholics, sodomizers, gamblers and spousal abuser are allowed to serve? Is the difference here that no one admits to such things? Do they do adequate background checks? hmmmm don't ask, don't tell?

HE did say he believes in the "don't ask don't tell" policy in regards to Gays, which would waive him of any hipppocrit status i guess BUT!!! lets look at facts.

Over 10,000 men and women have been discharged for being GAY, a.k.a immoral. WELL how many soldiers have been discharged for committing adultery? Zero? You mean not one soldier on leave went and fucked some hookers with their big American dollars?

"Married man go bam bam with me long time!"

This is the hypocrisy. SO why are they not being discharged? Why stop there?
How about dischargin' people who say the lord's name in vain on the battlefield?

Corporal Lavender was heard yelling "Jesus fucking Christ Im not wearing those dull drab colors"
during the ambush and was discharged on the spot

I just think it's dumb that a general would use his position to argue politics. And that he would put his morality above the interests of his own country.
(Separation of Church and State)

Not only did they "lose" 10,000 great soldiers, but many of them were specially trained in Arabic and were interpreters etc. Dumb.

I decided to ask some soldiers how they felt about gays in the military...

gays? where? I don't see any! Maybe look in his butt?

I would love to see this guy marching through Baghdad

"Get out of the closet and take off the sheets!"

It's no Secret, it's utter Shite!

2007-03-10T13:13:00.000-08:00

Dumb logo, meant to inspire an "old world" Renaissance wisdom

I watched The Secret with my roomy the other night. Her friend had downloaded it off the net. His skepticism not wanting to pay for it proved valid as the video played. It was about as useful as a fortune cookie. But it proved to be an interesting study in manipulation and spin.

At the time I didn't know what it was, and I hadn't yet heard and seen all the hype surrounding it. Here it is, in a gist. The hype. From their web page.
"The Secret is released to the world! This ground-breaking feature length movie presentation reveals The Great Secret of the universe. It has been passed throughout the ages, traveling through centuries... to reach you and humankind.

This is The Secret to everything - the secret to unlimited joy, health, money, relationships, love, youth: everything you have ever wanted.

In this astonishing program are ALL the resources you will ever need to understand and live The Secret. For the first time in history, the world's leading scientists, authors, and philosophers will reveal The Secret that utterly transformed the lives of every person who ever knew it... Plato, Newton, Carnegie, Beethoven, Shakespeare, Einstein.

Now YOU will know The Secret. And it could change your life forever."
Yeah, OK. so.... What is the secret? Well, after watching the video, I can reveal it to you- so you don't have to watch it. It's basically the power of positive thinking. How if you dream it, you can achieve it... how the universe will give you everything you want. Well, more specifically, you will ATTRACT it. Even physical stuff like cars and homes.

I think it's bullshit and I'll tell you why later. The other sub-point they made was that by being grateful for what we have, and not focusing on the negative, we can alter how things unfold for ourselves. This i do agree with, but only because our moods affect how we act which affects those around us, and ultimately, everything we get, at the end of the day, comes from other humans. But why the focus on what we get?

The video was clearly geared towards the average to sub-average American. It repeated over and over the same concept, and had dumb testimonial after dumb testimonial from people who were "very successful in their fields" reinforcing the concept. It even had really poorly written anecdotes a la an after school special meant to manipulate us into feeling like we were a part of something. Like the touching story about a single father who dreamed of living in a mansion... who took a picture out of a magazine as motivation, hung it on his wall, only to move into that mansion- not knowing it was the one he picked out of a magazine five years earlier. Yeah, sure. OK dokies.

They didn't give any hard ideas as to what we can do, and should do, to improve our lives, beyond how we think. They just said over and over again that you should get rid of negative energy, like "I want to get out of debt" and instead think "I want to make a lot of money." And they used the anecdotes as "proof" that this way of thinking was the reason that these people found success, that it "worked." And who could argue? If you didn't find success, well, you weren't thinking hard enough, positive enough. IT is a fail proof theory. At least one you couldn't disprove in court.

BULLSHIT

They also had the audacity to say how people like Gandhi and Mother Theresa knew "the secret" and attributed their success to it!!? Sadly they couldn't get any testimonials from either of them. More on this later.

The makers of this DVD tried to anticipate people like me, who would be out to debunk their claims, and they took some steps in their DVD to beat me to the punch. I am sure this brought millions of people down form the fence, after all, it appeared now as if "they had nothing to hide."

They anticipated my questions. Like... If everyone uses the "secret" how could the universe supply everyone with big houses and cars and such? It's impossible. They just said that the universe has an infinite amount of resources for us and it is untapped. That we don't yet know the capacity of it. This is clearly a cop out. They call it a "law of attraction". Well, no economic universe would support this law, just the basics of supply and demand would trump it, and in nature, well, there are other laws. Like survival of the fittest... even the average American watching Olympic Ice Skating understands that not everyone can win, that their will always be a Russian Judge or worse...

Tonya's visions of a knee injury trumped Nancy's visions of Gold

Another criticism they anticipated was people claiming that "they were just out to make a buck". They said how they already "have been widely successful and they just wanted to share the secret with everyone". (Some secret!) In other words, they painted themselves as giving kind people and the world bought it. Literally. That DVD is selling like hot cakes, and why?

Because people are always on the look out for the easy way out, they also want to believe in powers bigger then themselves, so that they don't have to hold themselves accountable.

Well, this is what I have to say.

It is an outright disservice to mankind to peddle this kind of shite. For one thing, the universe is not here for US, it does not exist solely for US. Last time I checked we shared it with many many creatures. Creatures who themselves have a conscious, who can dream, and play. The whole premise of this DVD excludes them, and it is just more fuel to the fire, for people to think we are the chosen ones, that GOD made all this for US. The universe does not care if we have real Louis Vuitton or fake, it doesn't care if we have no home or three. That is just dumb. But this plays right into the hands of all those people who believe in Karma too. This cavalier "law of attraction" i.e. "gimme gimme" attitude can not serve humankind or any other kind well. I am sure Gandhi and Mother Theresa would agree.

"Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat."
Mother Teresa

"Increase of material comforts, it may be generally laid down, does not in any way whatsoever conduce to moral growth."
Mohandas Gandhi

What kind of person would wake up everyday and say, with visualizations, "I want a nice house. I want a bigger car" ??!! This Secret is a clear endorsement of selfishness. Something most people already have in abundance, no?

Karma itself doesn't exist, but belief in it does, and that is what counts. "Treat others as you would treat yourself" It works out, amongst humans, and possibly, animals as well. Inside all of us, is a track record of hits and misses, of trials and errors, and an acute list of who has done us wrong or right, or those around us. IT is ourselves, people, who can make or break each others dreams. And sadly, we can make or break it for the animals amongst us as well. A burden most people don't want to acknowledge. It is not the universe's job to give to us.

Does positive thinking help us? Of course it does, because it ATTRACTS other positive people. But sadly there is no shortage of people who believe this "law" due to their disenchantment with life as it is now, so far the dream hasn't come to fruition, thusly this dumb idea has been well received. Maybe they should question what they want in the first place!! And not why they haven't gotten it yet. Hmmm, am I preaching the Secret, am i a hypocrite? The only part I agree with, is about being grateful.

What these clever scammers did was take a common religious ritual, prayer, and made it into an action towards a goal or object. There is no shortage of spiritual leaders out there who would re-inforce the power of positive thinking and prayer. But that thinking is meant to be giving in nature, or grateful, a daily reminder that we are alive and well. Not focused on acquiring things!! We are here to give, not take. We will find happiness being grateful for what we have and giving to others. THAT is the secret which Mother Theresa and Gandhi, for example, understood!!

The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.
Mohandas Gandhi
Here's another problem I have with this Shite-if all you need to do is visualize, in a positive way.( Meaning, don't focus on being broke, focus on being rich etc... )
How come there are so many starving people in the world, who do nothing day and night, but visualize food!?!

Starvin' Marvin looks proactive to me,
where is his burger though?

Are they not praying hard enough? Are they focusing on their hunger, and not "attracting" food with their positive visualizations?? Can you think of any other new age shit that could be more offensive to these people, and all starving and homeless and war torn people? Are they not starving because millions and millions of people are not worried or concerned about them, because people are too busy visualizing that boat they want? It is mankind's fault they are hungry, period. Not God's, not theirs. pssssssh! It's just shite.

A big whole hearted fuck you to the makers of this video for their obvious manipulative new age spin, for profit, on an old classic religious ritual. Fuck you for having the audacity to use Gandhi and Mother Theresa in your video, or Shakespeare for that matter, as examples of people who understood the "secret". And fuck you for insulting the public with you blatantly patronizing contrivities that only serve to steer us further into a society of Me, Myself, and I by making it OK for people to wake up every day and seek out THEIR wants and "needs" instead of living harmoniously and contently with everyone and everything else.

Fuck your secret.
It's positively shite.
And you are all tacky bastards.

Pretty isn't enough

2007-03-09T21:44:00.000-08:00
Pretty isn't enough
add naked to that...
maybe I'll count freckles to amuse myself
while you go on making it some big to do.
no one gets did...

pretty doesn't do it
all your beauty
*yawns

i might feel obligated
having got you that far
to make some kind of effort
ill rehearse stories in my head
prop you up
action

what is going on here?
time and time again
great acting takes conviction
great sex is improvised
two sincere people

you play the role of the passionate lover poorly
you're a natural for the puritan housewife
only then,
the guilt and shame would make for a great scene'
so what IS going on here?

hello, that is your body
talk amongst yourselves.
get to know each other.

left to its own merits,
its just pretty
beautiful even,
maybe perfect.

and you,
left to your merits
alone and wondering
why you feel so ugly.

blooming flowers,
peacocks on display
silly mating dances
there is no audition
rehearsal
nor encore

there is no humility in nature
nor hesitation.

there is nothing hotter then a girl
that understand this
there is nothing hotter to a man
then a girl with confidence and conviction
no matter how ugly she is

pretty is as pretty does
and pretty just doesn't do it for me

GOD can't do any thing for me...

2007-03-09T21:40:00.000-08:00
that i can't do for myself.
he must get tired of getting so much credit.
so much blame
why is one book so powerful?
why don't people use their god given logic
to realize how premeditated that book was.

how did the word spread in the first place?

um, violence, wars.. and in settle civilizations... persecution, inquisition.

and we are left with today.

millions and millions of people that actually believe some man walked on water,
that moses parted the red sea,
and "intelligent design"

ummm. ok- some basics
when this tomb was written
the earth was flat.
people didn't know any thing about the human body
or space...

its no matter people thought there was a heaven "up there"

to the scientist- you can't qualify what the human heart feels- fair enough. even in space people fall in love

to the Christians etc- you can't deny there are bones dating back 5 million years before Christ.

isn't it all so obvious that the bible was created to manipulate people
that they took every natural impulse in "man" and made it a sin
that they did this to control people.
and keep order
(puritans are hardworking, just the right type of person who will start new colonies. blind brainwashed loyal folk, who wont hesitate to kill an Indian if he looks at them funny. "in the name of the lord of course"

they played on man's fear and ignorance.

isn't it ironic that the "word" spread so fast,
when illiteracy was the norm?

must i go on?

so enter feudalism.
man had to pay a TITHE
(i.e. tax)
church and state were run hand in hand.
the church gave the kings and queens sovereignty
the government offered the church protection
(form barbarians, tribes.. foreigners etc)
the church garnered wealth in times of peace
and justified war when it was convenient.

i HATE it when people THANK GOD every time the win an award
i mean, jeez, "god forbid" you take the credit for all your hard work and effort.

or when they score a touchdown and pray.

"he" didn't make it possible.
he didn't throw would be tacklers away
you did.

why don't people ever think. why do they forsake their god given ability to do this?

FEAR.

people don't want to be mortal.
they want to believe they are gonna go somewhere after.
this fEAR was all calculated into the bible.

or people get hurt, or become alcoholic.. anything.

and instead of looking back and seeing that it was all brought on by them.. they choose to be unaccountable and "turn their lives over to Jesus"- the irony being that now their actions, what they do for themselves, is what makes them better.

of course god gets the credit.

excuse me? your daughter got run over by a car on her 7th birthday and here you are on the news saying" god had a plan for her"

are you kidding me? i know this might ease your pain.. but the reality is that she was killed randomly. their is no order to it. no purpose. she died for no reason.

whats the lesson?
"god give me the strength to persevere over things i can not control"
i.e.
ACCEPT THAT THIS WORLD IS RANDOM,
ONLY YOU CAN TAKE CARE OF YOU
only you can make it better,
and only you are too blame for your unhappiness

for most people,
this is too hard to accept.
no one wants to be accountable.
it makes me cringe.

i believe in god.
someone, something.
but i think the bible in itself is just a tool created to control people that was waaay more effective then the group of people who dreamed it up.

its caused more death and destruction then every Nazi book ever made.
killed more people then 1,000 Attila the Huns.
it , to this day, kills people every day.

"in the name of the lord"

i think people that "turn to the lord"
are in fact turning away from themselves.

real spiritual people,
of all faiths
understand this
and the ones that have to talk out loud about it
are terrified.

there is conviction in silence.
you ever here a suicide bomber "talk about what he is gonna do"
they go about their business.
they've not a care in the world what "other men" think of them.
real Christians are silent.

Buddhists are.

its all so apparent to me
i just cant believe the motions people go through.
the words they spout out
as if they have some insight
you may as well read the post

god actually does love people like me
that get it
that don't bug him every night
that don't go around giving him a bad name
that don't use him as justification to judge others
to hear themselves talk
to wage war
and manipulate society

god ONLY loves those that love themselves.
and if you don't believe me...
*shrugs shoulders

people that are not grateful everyday to be living
in this heaven
are missing the whole damn point

The Great Debate The Spork - evolution? Or Intelligent Design?

2007-03-09T01:53:00.000-08:00
One of the great neglected debates of modern times and one often not associated with Darwinism is that of our beloved Spork. A species of flat ware indigenous to our Americas that has grown into a widely diverse species inhabiting different climates all across the globe.

How did this happen?

Scientists argue that it was simply created by the inter-breeding of the spoon and the fork and followed the standard scientific evolutionary process over a long period of time. Conservatives point to the Patent Information, circa the 70's, as the first recognition of this species of flatware. They refuse to acknowledge the possibility that it existed previously, in different sub-species.
PATENT - 1970 Official Gaz. (U.S. Patent Office) 11 Aug. tm 65 Van Brode Milling Co., Inc., Clinton, Mass... Spork for Combination Plastic Spoon, Fork and Knife.
Scientists argue that though the spork was officially recognized in in the 70th year of the 20th century, that alone was only proof of the sporks existence and not an explanation of how it came to be. They argue that to discredit obvious clues and traits in other forms of cutlery would be a "blatant showing of ideological partisanship and a disservice to truth seekers across the globe."

Certain conservatives think that though these sporks share DNA with spoons and forks, they are their own species and they exhibit an intelligence and utility that is unmatched in the flatware world and clearly have had the touch of some divine intervention. "They are the chosen ones, Created to take flat ware to the next level. "

Let's take a look at some older species of flatware shall we?

What we see above is possibly the first spork, often used during the first and second world war. Though primitive in nature, it clearly had function, notice how it can fold on top of itself to fit into smaller places like a back pocket for example. Notice the size of the spoon, deep and wide, good for digging in can goods and eating soup. These were often found in war zones during the First World War.

What was this Japanese fella doing in WW1!?

Now after the wars, during a time of extreme leisure the spoon and fork appendages of the spork grew closer, as one. Below...

With out a need to fold up and fit away somewhere the spork evolved to enjoy more room on the table, but didn't quite get to roam free. Part of the reason was that water and wine glasses were rapidly populating and competing for space, necessitating the fusion. NOTE, this was mostly in certain parts of France and North America, rarely were sporks seen elsewhere in the world as of yet. The great migration of sporks didn't take place until well into the 80's.

How did this happen? Conservatives point to their theory of Intelligent Design, and sight traditional place settings as proof against evolution. Dr Bendel Jamrowscki from the Fairbanks Flat Ware Association said,

"Now how could the fork and the spoon ever mate, I mean, look, the spoon is there with the knife, the the two forks are always on the left, I just don't see how it is possible with out divine intervention."

He sticks to the Patent info as the year of their magical conception. Let's go back in time a ways...

Below, a traditional place setting from a engagement dinner in 1926, Minnesota. These place settings were prevalent during the teens and roaring twenties, when the leisure class first began to have dinner in courses. Before this meals were one course, bread and meat. You had a knife for cutting, a fork for eating and a spoon for soups and chilis etc.

Notice the spoons and forks are completely segregated, there is never any interaction between these flat wares. Now below we have what is agreed upon by both conservatives and scientists as the more modern place setting. With the appearance of the leisure class and course meals, you had the first ever sightings of forks and spoons co-mingling!

How did this happen? Is the advent of the fourth or fifth course, a dessert, the reason spoons and forks came to be, are these mingling spoons and forks, which to this day still coexist in the place settings the Adam and Eve of the spork? Or did natural selection and survival of the fittest evolve the species?

After the wars, Europeans and Americans alike had to get to work! And this didn't allow for fancy sit down dinners. Most often in the wild you would see knives and forks and little else, it seems that spoons were drastically losing numbers and were it not for cereal in the mornings, would have become extinct!

THIS was one reason scientists said that the union of forks and spoons was neccessary, for the benefit of both. It was merely a surival instinct. Hmmm. I see what is in it for the spoon, but what was in it for the fork? And why did the spoon end up the dominate trait? And why didn't the FOONs enjoy similar success? So many questions, if only the spork evolved vocal chords we would know the truth!

But where did they find the time, and the place to breed? Was it possible for the spoons and forks to procreate under the radar of sorts, because it wasn't happening at the dinner tables. Scientists keen to prove their evolution theories found an answer.

The dishwasher. When the dishware was invented, along with it came a new breeding ground for flatwares.. and it is no coincidence, to me at least, that soon after its widespread use, Sporks diversified and spread all across the globe! Hand in hand with the new dishwashers.

Just a few samples below.

But wait?

Not all of these samples are post 1972. So what gives? Is it not clear that evolution is the reason for the Spork, and not some diving intervention? Is it not clear that various kinds of Sporks in fact did exist pre-1972? Are there really any conservatives that could ,with conviction, refute my pretty clear physical evidence?

Yes, there are.

We uncovered some pretty interesting information researching the Spork... which, unfortunately for truth seekers world wide, lead to a real flip flop of events.

We found multiple patents, one in England even, well before the widely accepted patent in the 70's. .. and below is a Patent that dates back to 1907!

George Laramy of Enfield, New Hampshire, was the man who "invented" this spork.

Well, this was news neither side wanted to hear. It upset the scientist who were thoroughly convinced of its evolution from the 1900's as an act of adaptation and survival of the fittest, while it also clearly contradicted the conservatives "conception" year of '72.

This information created an underground sect of conservatives called "Laramites" who thought that George himself was a flat-ware god in the flesh. A soothsayer, a trendsetter. That he himself had the divine intelligence and they hoped that he would be able to work his magic on humans to create a more genetically efficient super human.

(He didn't- he went on to invent the Ginsu knife though, nice one!)

The traditional conservatives countered that he himself discovered the spork and simply took the credit. Conveniently, this is now the oldest known documentation of the Spork and it is hard to refute. They can now claim ( and do!) that any Sporks found after this one were descendants of it... and stick to their claim that it was in fact Diving Intelligence at work.

Unfortunately there were no writers, journalists or artists at the turn of the century that were interested in flatware. I guess there were more interesting things to document like electricity, flying and such.

I won't even get into the Willy O'Wowntey factions.. look at this bit of history, circa 1914! Rumor has it Willy went to grade school with a Mr. George Laramy... that they had a falling out at recess over a "mysterious" utensil they found in the school yard and hated each other for the rest of their lives.

So where does that leave us? Maybe the spork came from the Heavens after all?

Or was it just part of evolution dating back farther then our records could possibly go?

You decide.

an analysis of Myspace commenting

2007-03-08T15:29:00.000-08:00
HOW TO SPOT A RABBIT BOILER!
an analysis of commenting.

(obviously not applying to couples)

you don't want this!

so here is a few examples of comments which should raise the water temperature a little... make you weary

1. she post a picture of you two together as a comment (Self explanatory)

2. she says anything about you which gives up your private life, such as "you left your ipod at my house" or "next time let me pick the strip club" or "next time don't hit snooze, i was late for work" what have you... all not so subtle.

3. she says something so perfectly ambiguous but still possibly alluding to your sexual encounter(s) like "thanks for last night, i can hardly walk" - when you did yoga together.. or "i couldn't get up, i had to call in sick- you exhausted me" - when you were out all night drinking or something with friends... this girl WANTS people to think she is boning you. ALWAYS shoot back, "Well girl you needed some yoga, or "that dancing and clubbing was good for you" haha. (women- do you really think we are that dumb?) eeep!

Real men say Eeeeep! so piss off people

4. if she ever leaves a comment about putting you in her top eight. it's over. the normal to abnormal stalker chick would just "wait" for you to notice and expect you to say something, kinda like when they get their hair did, but this freakish rabbit boiler can't even be passive aggressive, she is straight aggressive. she will boil your rabbit!

5. "who is the photographer?" or some other obvious redundant picture comment, passive aggressive to the extreme, aka "look world, i took a picture of Touie in his drawers so insinuate what you want from it please"

6. she leaves a picture of you that is doctored and made more artistic, showing she took time to do something for you insinuating a relationship of sorts....

7. she leaves a comment asking questions about going off together somewhere... again, insinuating some kind of relationship

well, feel free to add to the list, i need to go do real things now.

(p.s. guess who is never gonna have any comment problems ;)

pretty model chic with an intellect

2007-03-08T15:22:00.001-08:00
*edited

pretty model chic with an intellect
you read Russian novels
and smoke American spirits.
there's a cold war brewing
you live in a world of false idols and flattery
we have never met
there you are.
you fall for boys who look like you
smell like teen spirit
and play hide and seek
over and over again on the Ipod
where were we?
and what, the hell,
is going on?
it's just a way to make money
i know, i know
you swear that you eat
i never see gristle in your teeth
parish the thought.
that 2 extra inches in your femur
welcome to the fashion model sweepstakes!
you learned to walk when you were 2,
now do it all over again!
stripped the conviction right out of you
sapped the confidence
a buffet of doubt and insecurity before you
and NOW you decide you'll have seconds?
pretty model chic with an intellect
you only smoke socially
femur bones tap tap... what to do?
cramp quartered long legs fall asleep in the V.I.P
yet you manage to ski in the bathroom
who has time for the real slopes?
downhill full speed
ever learned to snowplow?
lest you should crash
at least you have your boyfriend to fall back on
oh, wait, he 's gone snowboarding.
pretty model boy with emasculated sense of self
chain smoking and drinking whiskey
can't wait to shave all your hair off
it's not your fault *hugs
it's not your fault
it's not your fault
pretty model boy weeping
don't worry
she doesn't have time to read those books
doesn't have time to think
pretty model chic with an intellect
well, pretty model chic
well...

i saw you throwing up behind the dumpster
shame Dostoevsky wasn't there to hold your hair
it wasn't a hot look

if only you were purging your insecurities
instead of Guido and Sergio's shots

maybe then you'd realize...

ugly model girl with bad breath
you've got tissue on your shoe
and your mom misses you

The new pill for women (Mom don't read, it's gross! =)

2007-03-06T14:55:00.001-08:00

Have you heard of this new birth control, called Seasonale?
They claim you can take it like any other b.c. pill,
but that you only have 4 periods a year !!

I found some women who volunteered to take it, got their opinions, and feedback...
This is what they don't tell you in the commercials.

The girls wanted to remain nameless, so as to not violate their confidentiality agreements we will call them Birtha and Chastity.

Birtha

Birtha said she was aware of all the possible side effects, they were all the same as regular birth control, but what she didn't anticipate was quite alarming.

IT seems that because she didn't have her period for 3 and a half months, that when her egg came it was big and visible- in an extremely heavy flow.

ewwww

"My heavy flow Tampax didn't stand a chance! "

Other then the huge egg, she claimed her 2 periods ( a 7 month trial) where very very heavy, that her breasts swelled to great sizes, and that her bloating and cramps seemed to be three times as bad as well.

the pant suit was a little tight

She gained 5 inches!

Her final remarks where that she "wouldn't recommend it, unless you wanted bigger breast..." and that it "isn't worth taking just to not have periods".

Chastity had other things to say.

Chastity only spreads her legs for God

Chastity claimed that, due to her following the moon cycles, taking herbal supplements, and doing yoga, she was able to minimize her side effects. She offered me this handy chart.

Not sure what his means.

She said she experienced some minor pains and cramping towards her period, but that she didn't notice anything irregular. But she too saw her egg.

"It made me proud to be a woman. I felt a little like a chicken but it's OK. It's nice to see what my body is doing... How God created us."

Not satisfied, I took it too another level.
I got some of my own sperm to check out these "super eggs."

Luckily for me, Birtha wasn't on the pill cuz she was promiscuous, so she was up for it. I feigned real attraction to her, in the name of science.

She fell for my "You remind me of my Jeep" line!

I sent my boys in for a closer look, 2 1/2 months into their "cycle."

(First a few practice shots.. )

I got my special guys ready to go. So off they went, a few good men had to get sacrificed for the long journey, it's comparable to the Tour de France, with some guys "dragging" off the front runners.

Sperm Sergeant willy had these observations about the completed journey..
"YO, THAT SHIT WAS MAD THICK, IT WASN'T LIKE IN THE DRILLS. WE WERE ALL BOGGED DOWN, BUT IT WAS REAL SWEET. WE GOT LOST A FEW TIMES BECAUSE VISIBILITY WAS SO BAD, BUT WE FINALLY FOUND HER EGG. HOLY SHIT! IT WAS ENORMOUS, WAY BIGGER THEN WE SAW IN FILMS. IT WAS LIKE JUPITER. WE SENT OUR STRONGEST GUY IN TO TRY AND SEE IF HE COULD CRACK IT, TO NO AVAIL. WE JUST GAVE UP..."

No dice!

That's the last I heard from those guys, luckily i have 80 million more, so onto Chastity I went. Since she was observing chastity, I had to bribe her buy purchasing all of her home-made jewelry. Then I had to use a special tool to insert "my boys" into the drop-zone....

Chastity insisted she only uses the baster for Braggs Amino Acids!

This is what Sperm Special Agent Jerry offered up.
"Well, the drop was weak, we didn't get very far, so it was all uphill. This girl was so tight no light could get in, we were all in the dark from the get go. We had only heard of these "virgins" and didn't believe they really existed. The sailing was very smooth, though it was hard to tell directions."

action shot!
"Well, we finally found it (the egg), and that motherfucker was scary, like steroid star wars and shit. We didn't waste any time, we heard of the previous super egg, we brought a demolitions team in to try and compromise the hard outer shell, it only left a dent (see below). Then we sent in our best man, Large Luke. Nothing. That shit was indestructible, we didn't even bother to try and fertilize it anymore, for fear of having some bionic baby. We just spent our time..."

No amount of "the force" could get Luke in =(

That is all I heard from them . I guess i don't know what to think, I know this all grosses me out, and I'm feeling frisky again!!

"Birtha, Honey. Are you ready for more?? (In the name of science of course!)

Apparently I did the trick!

So i will leave you all with some helpful info. Enjoy.

Flow with It, Baby: Pads, Tampons and Other Solutions

You have a lot of choices when it comes to how you absorb your menstrual flow. In the old days, there were actually still old pads that attached to these heinous belts with clips and all number of confusing elements. Thankfully, things have improved. You can basically choose between commercial pads, natural/reusable pads, tampons, sponges or cups. Read below to find out what might be best for you. Bear in mind, too, to consider the waste you create with your choice. It often happens that what is best for our bodies is also best for our ecosystem. If you can use a method that creates minimal waste, you're doing the whole world a favor.
Disposable Pads: Pads are usually the best choice when you're first starting your period, if you have a heavy flow, and at night when you're sleeping. Most have an adhesive backing (sticky) that you pull paper away from and attach to your underwear. If you're going to use pads, make sure you do not get any that are scented, or have any added perfumes, as these can cause vaginal infections. Organic cotton is the best thing you can do for your body, if you're going to use disposable pads. No one is going to smell your period unless you aren't changing your pad often enough....

UPDATES... look at their shameless new advertising!!

?

Another interesting marketing gimmick, in a reaction to my widely published story, is their "decorate your eggs" competition. They winner for last years is below.

Can you beat the Jesus egg?

My "let's mess with ESL students idiom of the day"

2007-03-05T16:30:00.000-08:00

"it's better to be pissed off
then pissed on"

Jerry, a recent immigrant from Poland had no idea of it's meaning

I don't get funny english saying

"Screens," pictured below, was born and bred in San Fransisco. He took ESL classes for easy college credits. He got a "C"

"duuude, golden showers are good for the skin, man.
Anger is bad vibes you know?
i speak the international language of weed
-fer sure" *chuckles

Touie's confusing sign of the day

Baby Pirates in this area!

Or is it?

"Cannibals season next 10 miles"

or?

"You can't watch Raising Arizona here"

Hey Cali! don't over drive your headlights, with these helpful signs you have no more excuses when hitting illegal immigrants!!

So what are the signs by the Canadian Border gonna be??

get out the anti-aircraft guns

Oh wait! No one wants to leave Canada to come here, I forgot. well...

here is one sign that clearly discriminates against Canadians! I am so ashamed =/

We need to look out for our own Geese!

"Right of Way" doesn't exist in NYC

2007-03-05T14:15:00.000-08:00
i hate the drivers here,
(new york city)
they have a sense of entitlement,
as if we, the pedestrians,
are to pity their plight-
that they are stuck in traffic.
so what?
their choice

WALK means we get to walk.
why do cars just go-
with no regard for the pedestrians?
I have lived here cumulatively for 8 years and it never changes
i always walk right in front of the cars trying to turn
and if they honk i give them the finger
and point to the "Walk" sign.
they always get mad!
like I am in the wrong.

after a long day of castings Jerry was short of patience

Last year 143-
one hundred and forty three
people were killed by vehicles in NYC.
isn't that crazy?

Being a hunchback, he never stood a chance at crossing

If it was a homicide it would be number one behind "blunt" objects (think remote control or high heeled shoe) as killers of people in the city, ahead of guns even or emoitis.

Where i am from, cars always "wave" you by,
they always wait.
the pedestrian gets right of way
even on red lights

maybe it's because there it sucks to walk cuz it is so cold out
and being in a safe and comfy warm car is better,
so the peds get the pity preference.
I'm not sure

winter in Minnesota sucks

Minneapolis even has bike lanes

but here its backwards.
it speaks volumes about the city
the lack of community
the "me first" attitude

everyone is so pissed off here

fuck NYC
i hope it gets run over by a meteor =)

"thousands of drivers dead while pedestrians fled to the safety of the subway"

Dissecting Ralph Peters... number 2

2007-03-04T21:59:00.000-08:00

His article bulleted and emboldened....mine on the left margin. enjoy. I apologize in advanced for my "gotcha- in your face" formatting. I am immature.
March 1, 2007 -- WITH all of the mud-slinging on Capitol Hill, you could almost forget the gun-slinging in Baghdad.
What? There is a war going on in Iraq? Wait, really? no.. still? I thought it was done already.

As Democrats, Iraqi insurgents and terrorists all struggle to prevent an American win, it's hard to get an accurate sense of Iraq nowadays. When in doubt, ask a soldier. My best source in Baghdad offered a soberly optimistic assessment at odds with the "Gotcha!" negativity in Washington. He doesn't claim that success is guaranteed. But he believes in his head, heart and soul that we've got a fighting chance. And I believe him.
"Struggle to prevent a win" hmmm. Very good grouping of words, democrats-insurgents-terrorists. True shameless style of Mr. Ralph. The democrats clearly share the very same agenda of the terrorists. The democrats want to kill American soldiers- by bringing them home to U.S. soil? nice logic, sir. How dare you make the comparison.

FUCK YOU ASSHOLE. (blogs are fun!)

Your best source was a soldier, fair enough. "You believe that he believes that we have a fighting chance" Well i fucking hope so, we do have the most powerful army in the world no? Your conviction in these men makes me a proud POST reader. I salute you. In fact I believe in you believing that he believes we have a fighting chance how about that for bi-partisanship?! and moreover let's see a POST journalist use three different tenses of the same verb in a sentence! too-shay! (mustn't intimidate the POST readers with french cognates)

I took the temperature of other officers, as well. They agree unanimously that the administration made terrible mistakes from which we and the Iraqis are still recovering. But not one of these soldiers is ready to quit. Here are the key points I've heard from those I trust:
Whoa, so who don't you "trust"? Wow, I am insulted. Isn't one soldier as well informed as the next? Do you have that much faith in your readers that you would just so boldly admit from the get go that your information only came from sources you "trusted" to agree with your politics.

dip shit.

"You took their temperature" well, i can tell from over here that they are fucking hot and bothered. I mean, I am not a nurse or anything but I reckon.

P.S so now you admit we made terrible mistakes? Like electing George Bush president? Or starting the war in the first place? So saving face is still more important then losing with dignity / i.e. saving lives? you'd rather "win" with irreverence and bravado by cheating the lives of men and women from your country? (redundant)

Of the five additional U.S. brigades headed for Baghdad, only one is in place, with the second starting to arrive. Yet the city is already quieter and safer. The terrorists continue to detonate their bombs - with suicidal fanatics targeting the innocent - but sectarian killings (death-squad hits) have dropped from over 50 each night down to single digits.
The tactic of stationing U.S. units and their Iraqi counterparts down in the Baghdad 'hoods is already paying off. (It should have been used from the outset - instead of hunkering down on massive bases. But better late than never.) The effort has triggered a flood of intelligence tips: When citizens feel safe, they cooperate. And when they help us, our success compounds.
"When citizens feel safe, they cooperate" really? And how did you manage to coerce all these people to VOTE for BUSH? by making them feel safe?

"Whether it's a democracy...or a dictatorship, voice or no voice, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. That is easy. Just tell them they are being attacked, and denounce the pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to greater danger"
-Nazi Reichmarshall Hermann Goering

I am purdy darn sure the info was either bribed, beating or spied from them as often as it was "volunteered"
U.S. commanders now have a lot of experience in Iraq. They're not wide-eyed kids at the circus anymore. They understand there are no uniform, easy answers to Iraq's violence and complex allegiances. As a senior officer put it, "Every neighborhood and city is unique, with their own challenges."
Yeah, I mean, it's not like we have been in any wars before. So, you got to give them a little learning curve and stuff. hmmmmm...
There are too many to list, over 50 actually.

THE MILITARY HISTORY OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA - link!
I'll leave it to The New York Times to betray our military secrets, and just say I'm very impressed by the insight shown by our brigade and battalion commanders these days.
We hear the bad news from the rest of Iraq, such as this week's monstrous car bombing of children at play on a soccer field in Ramadi, but we don't hear that such attacks by al Qaeda operatives have infuriated mainstream Sunni sheiks and their tribes - who increasingly make common cause with us and their government. And winning over the Sunni "middle" is crucial to Iraq's future.
"I'll leave it to The New York Times to betray our military secrets." AND just how do they get their information? do they have moles in the army? secret operatives, maybe it's one of the generals! you might be on to something here! I mean, it's not a member of the army leaking this info is it? You are just jealous that AL Queda reads the Times and not the POST. Bin Laden said he loved the crossword and didn't find the "word find" in the Post a "big enough challenge"

I'd like to point out, again, how much this creep (RALPH) reminds me of the guy from American Beauty.

MORE..."but we don't hear that such attacks (the soccer field bombing) by al Qaeda operatives have infuriated mainstream Sunni sheiks and their tribes"

Nope, you are right!

Wouldn't print it in the times, it's not "fit to print",
since it didn't happen.

Mira pendejo!

"Adm. Fox also said that a report Tuesday that 18 boys had been killed by a bombing at a soccer field in Ramadi was false."There was no [bomb] blast, and there were no 18 children killed," he said.The military said U.S. troops set off a controlled detonation of a weapons cache that went awry and injured 31 people, none seriously."

I mean, we can't let people know that there were more friendly fire casualties right?

We'll never stop all suicide bombers and car bombers, but our security crackdown has already taken out two major Vehicle-Borne Improvised Explosive Device (VBIED) factories. And we took down a huge arms cache late last week.
Hahahahaha!! Oh, you mean the one I mentioned above? Good job, only 31 people got hurt by our detonation, where as, if it was the insurgents or democrats or terrorists, I'm sure MORE people may have gotten hurt or even killed! Hurting ourselves our we? Seems like we don't need any more help from the struggling democrats "trying not to win" Bush and his bumbling "wide-eyed" generals have been doing a great job of that all by themselves.

ASSHOLE.

this kind of smut should be illegal!!!

anna nicole smith

2007-03-04T21:14:00.000-08:00
so.. how about that huh? Some guy paid someone off so he could sneak into the morgue to take her picture. i mean, damn! just think if a necrophiliac got a hold of her, he/she would be the most famous person in modern history i think no? Would it be worth the risk? how much jail time do they serve? anyone out in blog land know?

get back to me on that.

I decided instead, whilst searching for said picture, as I am such a sicko, to do a fun and upbeat analysis of our beloved and dearly departed Anna NJ. Smith. (r.i.p)

here is a better picture to remember her by.

And the accompanying hand writing analysis I did.
"You" being our A.N. Smith

You like to be surrounded by four solid walls.
You are a social person who likes to talk and meet others.
You are affectionate, passionate, expressive, and future-oriented.
You are not very reserved, impatient, self-confident and fond of action.
You like standing out and making sure that people know your mind.
How about them apples? huh!? Anyone want me to analize their handwriting? Please send me a signed nude picture of yourself and I will get back to you promptly.

Cheers.

Woody Allen interviews Billy Graham

2007-02-19T18:53:00.000-08:00
Yup.

Enjoy.

PART ONE

PART TWO

Britney shaves head- accidentally starts Jihad. 57 die in Baghdad

2007-02-19T18:14:00.000-08:00
Here is some reactions to the news of Britney's head shaving,
apparently in IRAQ they thought it was the start of a jihad!!

"She gave us the signal, attack!"

When told of her accidental "Jihad Snowball" Britney commented, "Me, a Jee-what? Aww I 'm flattered." Maybe she is smarter then she lets on??

Did she do it on purpose??? hmmm

Is she funneling her monies from her coroporate sponsors to the East?

Here are some lyrics from a song on her album IN THE ZONE released in 2003.

"I got that boom boom
That you want
Watching me all night long
Hurry up before it's gone
I got that boom boom
That you want
I don't think you should wait
One minute might be too late"

Did we miss the warning signs?
Stay tuned.. I will try to get to the bottom of this!

Man....
I couldn't care fucking less about Britney.
fuck you NY POST.

i will spare you the pics, the dumb stories.
it's hard not to know that Britney shaved her head,
and that Paris Hilton had her birthday yesterday.

RE: PARIS- i have never seen a more uninteresting collection or rich tacky white kids as i saw in her birthday pic. these people are so god damned cheesy and unattractive. i can't imagine what the world is like for them. they all sit there and drink and act cool and none of them actually do anything. i know this is not an original take.. everyone loves to hate Paris.. but i am more annoyed by her entourage. She is very attractive and quiet in person from my experiences... but these sweaty slimy cheesy fucking losers. i just want to pee on them all and slap their parents in the face. they must be so embarrassed. and she is into these people, what a slapper

Britney, she is at best a "6" she is the most average looking person in the history of pop stars. i think she knows it too. this whole shaving of her head, good for her. who cares? its JUST HAIR. "sources" said she had so many split ends and hair damage from changing it a million times she just wanted to "start over".

well that's logical, front page news though? why don't we ask Britney her opinion on the war etc. i understand celebrity lives, vicarious living, gossip etc serves as entertainment- escapism, but still, it this the best we can do???

I think these girls need to slut it up some more or something.. i miss the gossip about Colin Farrel being a man whore.. at least it conjures up images i would find a departure from my own life.. but Britney, why would i want to sleep with that little piglet? Paris, in a heart beat, well not since we found out she had herpes.. but she is hot at least.

So we have the two tarts in the news, closely on the heels of the super tart Anna Nicole smith.. so everything comes in threes i guess.

What is next? In four years Paris will be 30. I can't wait to not give a shit about it.

new "column" called Ralph Peters- disarming the propaganda

2007-02-19T13:42:00.000-08:00
I enjoy this man's take. He is so shameless. I know, I know, he does write for the OPINIONS portion of the Post, but that doesn't make him unaccountable for his outright irresponsible journalism.

Here he is, the epitome of Integrity.

Take it in for a minute. Notice the crew cut, very patriotic no?

Notice the scowl -or is it a smile? reminds me of the creepy marine neighbor from American Beauty.

hmmmm? Art imitating life?

Now the fun, I will put in his paragraphs, then dissect them for the masses. enjoy.

PROVIDING aid and comfort to the enemy in wartime is treason. It's not "just politics." It's treason And signaling our enemies that Congress wants them to win isn't "supporting our troops." The "nonbinding resolution" telling the world that we intend to surrender to terrorism and abandon Iraq may be the most disgraceful congressional action since the Democratic Party united to defend slavery.

Providing aid and comfort? Oh you mean selling them weapons and training them in the past?
Slavery? WOW! Good one. Compare the legislation to defending slavery! I mean don't bother with the history of it! That it was founded by JAMES MADISON AND THOMAS JEFFERSON, or that it was anti-big government, or that it was originally called the DEMOCRATIC_REPUBLICAN party and that it fought the FEDRALISTS and that, due to the slavery incident, the party split in to two parts. That many northern democrats joined a new REPUBLICAN party that consisted of freed slaves, farmers, etc and that went on to be the first people to reflect today's values of the republicans.. the modern democrats today are more comparable to the copperheads...

"Treason"

1. the offense of acting to overthrow one's government or to harm or kill its sovereign.

2. a violation of allegiance to one's sovereign or to one's state.

3. the betrayal of a trust or confidence; breach of faith; treachery.

Sounds like your boy BUSH to me, sir. So you are saying that by wanting to get our troops out, they are committing treason? What a asshole. Over 25, 000 maimed and injured, over 3,000 dead and you are more concerned by the semantics of if its a "win lose or draw". Well asshole, you can't win them all, especially with George at the helm. so take the loss gracefully and stop killing people for oil contracts. I am sorry, you just have to risk it and hope that you can still have the business when things settle down.

"The vote was a huge morale booster for Al Qaeda, for Iraq's Sunni insurgents, and for the worst of the Shia militias. The message Congress just sent to them all was, "Hold on, we'll stop the surge, we're going to leave - and you can slaughter the innocent with our blessing."We've reached a low point in the history of our government when a substantial number of legislators would welcome an American defeat in Iraq for domestic political advantage."

Um, ok. Who cares what the AL QUEDA people think? The escalation from terrorists was due to our starting the war in the first place. Which we did, clearly for oil. "You can slaughter all the innocence you want" Exactly! that has been our foreign policy for decades. (see Rwanda, Bosnia etc) why change now?

"Welcome Defeat" ? I don't think they are welcoming it, just acknowledging it.. and for what political advantage? You think these democrats are secretly miffed that we are not kicking ass and taking names? You think any of them have any conviction in our being there in the first place? That they are just doing this for PR proposes, that they don't actually care about lives? They DIDN'T START the war asshole, you and your boys did. They are doing damage control..

"Yes, some members voted their conscience. But does anyone believe they were in the majority? This troop surge might not work. We can't know yet. But we can be damned sure that the shameful action taken on the Hill while our troops are fighting isn't going to help. And a word about those troops: It's going to come as a shock to the massive egos in Congress, but this resolution won't hurt morale - for the simple reason that our men and women in uniform have such low expectations of our politicians that they'll shrug this off as business as usual."

Oh, seeing it my way now eh? And maybe you are right, I am sure the men and women on the front lines will have their feelings hurt if we pull them out. I mean, they are really vested in the interests of the IRAQ NATION. More so then getting on with their own lives or actually doing something for the country the signed up to defend like helping people in New Orleans and Mississippi etc...

I very much doubt they will shrug this off, if anything, they will say "its about fucking time, lets get the fuck out of here!" Come home and never vote republican again!! Lets hope so.

"And a word about those troops"- BUSH wanted to reduce their pay and benefits, all while they were abroad fighting. Not to mention he lied about why we were fighting in the first place. nice.
This resolution has teeth, though: It's going to bite our combat commanders. By undermining their credibility and shaking the trust of their Iraqi counterparts, it makes it far tougher to build the alliances that might give Iraq a chance. If you were an Iraqi, would you be willing to trust Americans and risk your life after the United States Congress voted to abandon you?

Bullshit, Bullshit, Bullshit. "WE" are saying, "Ok, jobs over. Good job, you did your best! It's Miller time!"

And it isn't' like the IRAQIS are so supportive of our being there in the first place. And it is irrelevant what the IRAQIS think anyways!! you know why asshole? BECAUSE last time I checked, they were not American Citizens. They didn't get to vote, they have no say.. but we do!! and we voted for the Democrats to take over the congress so we could get our fellow Americans home, so sorry Charley, i guess you just have to accept it. What kind of message are you sending to the troops? "I don't give a shit about you or your lives.. i want to be with a winner, we don't lose, at any cost. die, you don't matter, i am more worried about what the IRAQIS think. I want them to think we kick ass and i want AL QUEDA to shake even if it means more deaths."

Now that Donald Rumsfeld's gone, the Democrats are doing just what they pilloried the former Secretary of Defense for doing: Denying battlefield commanders the troops and resources they need. Congresswoman Pelosi, have you no shame?As a former soldier who still spends a good bit of time with those in uniform, what infuriates me personally is the Doublespeak, Stalin-Prize lie that undercutting our troops and encouraging our enemies is really a way to "support our troops." As for bringing them home, why not respect the vote the troops themselves are taking: Sustained re-enlistment rates have been at a record high.

If i am not mistaken, TROOPS voted all time highs for DEMOCRATIC candidates. That is the only vote that matters. Re-Enlisting for the army IS NOT the same as re-enlisting to go fight in IRAQ you asshole. "Stalin "prized LIE" nice! way to get in some communist references.. they will love that... BUSH had a bigger Stalin Prized lie- WMD.
And our soldiers and Marines know they'll go back to Iraq or Afghanistan. And no, Senator Kerry, it's not because they're too stupid to get a "real" job like yours or because they're "mercenaries." Some Americans still believe in America.
If our troops are willing to fight this bitter war, how dare Congress knife them in the back?
On Thursday night, I was in Nashville as a guest of the 506th Regimental Combat Team - with whom I'd spent all too brief a time in Baghdad.
The occasion was their welcome-home ball, complete with dress uniforms spangled with awards for bravery. Proud spouses sat beside their returned warriors.
Of course, those soldiers were glad to be home with their loved ones. But they also know they'll go back to one theater of war or another - and no one complained.
They share a value that Congress has forgotten: duty. They're willing to bear the weight of the world on their shoulders. Because they know that freedom has a price.
As you entered the ballroom for the event, the first thing you saw was a line of 34 photographs. A single white candle softly lit each frame. Those were the members of the 506th who didn't come home.
Soldiers honor their dead. It's the least Congress could do to honor the living men and women in uniform.
You don't support our troops by supporting our enemies.
NICE!~ The Kerry reference, dated, but way to recycle it, its a surprise you would do something so progressive! "HOW DARE CONGRESS KNIFE THEM IN THE BACK"

HERE HERE!!! I mean we already did it to Katrina victims didn't we..? or wait.. Didn't we also "knife our soldiers in the back" when we sent them to IRAQ in the first place? Or by making HALIBURTON responsible for the infrastructure and catering? God forbid the army did it! We need them to fight, so the Haliburton employees can get rich. Didn't we knife them in the back when we gave them bad equipment and no help from the outside world by going against the U.N. DECISIONS?

Your story about the ball was very touching. I do not for one second question the soldiers sense of duty, they went there and did their jobs. But their services in IRAQ are not needed anymore. Their lives are more valuable, in the Democratic controlled congress' eyes, then the semantics of winning and losing. Your whole argument is based on rhetoric and cliches. It speaks volumes about your beliefs and your incredible un-compassionate viewpoint.

"Soldiers honor their dead" Wow, that is profound! Everyone does no? You think the only way we can honor our troops is to leave them there? You really think that we are "supporting our enemies" by pulling out?

You were in the army, have you never retreated before? Have great Generals never retreated because the lives they were controlling were more important then the task at hand???

How can the enemies win if they don't have anyone to shoot at?

(OH, by controlling their own oil reserves, I forgot. God forbid someone else should go in there and get them)

"Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices. "
-Voltaire

"Whether it's a democracy, or a dictatorship, voice or no voice,, the people can always be brought to the bidding of the leaders. that is easy. Just tell them they are being attacked, and denounce pacifists for lack of patriotism, and exposing the country to a greater danger"

-NAZI Reichmarshall Hermann Goering, during the Nuremburg trials.

p.s. this was a blog formatting nightmare. sorry for the inconsistencies.

web gem...

2007-02-18T19:58:00.000-08:00

Churches suck...

2007-02-16T13:03:00.000-08:00
...all the sense out of people!!

if you ask me.. and I know you do =)

god is in your heart.

whatever your beliefs,
there they are.

one does not need to answer to anyone.

nor prove anything.

any effort made attempting to appear pious is a step further from god / higher consciousness.

anyone who judges you is not worth paying mind.

god does not care if you go to mass on Sunday

what you wear

or what you pay in tithes.

money was made by man.

you are all foolish.

art by VAN ARNO

all of you that praise Jesus and god all the time.

what are you trying to prove?

this is my belief-

and you can quote me on this.

Jesus did not want to be a celebrity.
he wanted to be celebrated.
don't worship or praise him
live like him

you fucking hypocrites! =)

(i.e. stop lying. cheating. judging. abusing...)

the bible was written AFTER many other texts... how did it come to be the ONE word of god? genocide... crusades. witch hunts. inquisitions. um, er.. hello!?!

did the book drop out of the sky? or was it a very carefully written text meant to manipulate people? add to that the fact that only a small percentage of people even read back then, and it begs of you to ask "why did they need to create such vivid stories"? the answer of course being so people would remember them.. since they couldn't READ. they would tell them... pass it on orally. "How did it manipulate people?" well, it (the bible) took basic human NEEDS and made them a sin, that way, everyone, except invalids and eunuchs would feel guilty every time they had an impure thought, which according to scientists for men, is ever 5 minutes. wow, that's a lot of guilt!

the whole concept of a "god" was pre existing, if anything, the bible is an adaptation.. the "holy" spirit was paraphrased 1000 years before his "holiness" existed. isn't this enough proof that the bible is utter bullshit?

we, as humans, have a built in belief system. Easter bunnies, Santa clause, the bible, they all exploit it...

people go to church for acceptance. not for belief.

man writes and creates in order to put order to the universe.. his dumb attempts to explain the unexplainable. so we have tales, folklore, mythology...

the people that pick up the bible quickly are the ones that forget it the fastest... how we have blacks and latinos and chinese philippinos praying to a white jesus is beyond me for example... jesus looked like the people who make sandwiches at the bodega

"But if cattle and horses or lions had hands, or were able to draw with their hands and do the work that men can do, horses would draw the forms of the gods like horses, and cattle like cattle, and they would make their bodies such as they each had themselves."

Xenophanes (ahem! b.c)

"The Church says that the earth is flat, but I know that it is round, for I have seen the shadow on the moon, and I have more faith in a shadow than in the Church."

Ferdinand Magellan ( are you jellin' ? =)

"A tyrant must put on the appearance of uncommon devotion to religion. Subjects are less apprehensive of illegal treatment from a ruler whom they consider god-fearing and pious. On the other hand, they do less easily move against him, believing that he has the gods on his side."

Aristotle ( ahem.. um.. like B.C.)

"All I have seen teaches me to trust the creator for all I have not seen."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

"He who learns must suffer. And even in our sleep pain that cannot forget falls drop by drop upon the heart, and in our own despair, against our will, comes wisdom to us by the awful grace of God."

Aeschylus

"Behold I do not give lectures or a little charity, When I give I give myself."

Walt Whitman

this was omitted from the adaptation...

"God hates violence. He has ordained that all men fairly possess their property, not seize it."

Euripides

"All men are born with a nose and ten fingers, but no one was born with a knowledge of God... Anyone who has the power to make you believe absurdities has the power to make you commit injustices... God is a comedian, playing to an audience too afraid to laugh. "

Voltaire

maybe i cant disprove your Jesus
but i can point out all your hypocrisies.
YOU ARE the false clang of the bell the Corinthians spoke of.
stuff your face with holy crackers.
in your silent and awkward attempts to masticate what I've been trying to say
you might taste humility.

Myspace Dating (broken down by a veteran)

2007-02-16T11:20:00.000-08:00
PROs

you don't have to leave the house.
or stand around a club.
or feel all dumb when you ask someone out or for their phone number

CONs

If it doesnt go so well- you probably already have this person on your friends list, in your aim or msn list.. so what now? You just hope they are polite and not gonna manipulate you or take advantage of your kindness by pressing the issue. Instead of taking a hint.

Since dating etiquette no longer exists there ain't no tellin'

p.s. just be honest.

"i had a nice time, but im not interested in dating you, sorry."

its that simple. you dont owe anyone anything and are not responsible for their self esteem.

OR

lie, and say you met someone else. Its win win

MYTHS about people on the net...

"He/she could be a stalker or physcho"

TRUE.

But so could anyone you meet, anywhere. We all have had good first impressions that went horrific when the person had something "vested" in us or let their true colors show. (well, not me, I am a great judge of character but... I am sure most ladies in here are guilty of bad / clouded judgment)

HOW ABOUT-

He / she could be real good, even better looking in person, funnier and not creepy at all. in fact..

look at all your ex's or people you dated. how many of them are you still with?

1 tops? haha

ok, sorted.

So how good was your judgement in real life, that boy you crushed on for 6 months then dated for two weeks before he fucked your "BF" so.. is that better then some stranger on myspace? At least on myspace you get blogs and thought exchanged etc. get to know someone
(or what you want them to know)

But whats different in the real world?

Do we feel LESS vulnerable in the REAL WORLD> where we embellish everything, where we don't even let people know what we do or where we live.. where we prefer the anonymity?

is the face to face really that important?

our "gut instincts" even though,

thus far,

we have all chosen some fucking nutters?!?!

hmmmm.

PROS
you can get a lot of the early awkward conversation stuff out of the way, save time in the "Screening process" and you can check out peoples friends and life style.

CONS
it only takes 5 seconds to know if you are feeling someone in real life, so why waste a month "getting to know someone with casual chat even" knowing you could meet in person and there is no fun there.

PRO
well? are we really spending that much time online? it takes me five seconds to write an email. and cant we just meet someone in real life for 5 minutes? is the potential not out weighing the unlikely hood that there is no fun there? are we all living such gratified lives that we do not want to take 5 minutes to meet someone new?

hmmmmm.

these are all redundant. i have scientific studies completed on myspace, but i wont get into it, its hard enough to get a girls phone number on here.. let alone a date. and i don't want people to think i am some kind of myspace whore. I'm not (anymore=)

but I'm not there to "keep in touch with my friends" like most people claim either.
I do that by calling them and having dinner with them, hanging out - Imagine that!

I lurk no more then the average person.

but whats up with this scenario?

When we look at someones page every day, read their mail first when you see it, get excited when they are "online now" or on msn and aim, what does that mean?

i'll tell you. its the same as in real life, its real feelings, just not real people. so its best to meet as soon as possible to figure out what it really is, instead of waiting. sure, sure, some people just like attention, they like to flirt online.. blah blah. I personally think that is just dumb and indicative of a couple things.

A. their real life is not gratifying, and i base that on how when girls get real boyfriends in real life their time on myspace drops 75 percent and..

B. people are generally afraid. You know most foreign girls I talked to on myspace agreed to meet me after just a few emails.. "why not?" was their rationing. American girls always have to be cautious or passive aggressive and say something like "How do I know you are not a stalker or physcho" IT gets old.

my humble opinion.

Because as in real life, its just as hard to find someone to conversate online- and to add to that someone you are attracted to? down right rare.

so if you are flirting with someone.. meet them!
why not? what have you got to lose?

take the half hour you spend on myspace writing to them and just meet them for coffee.

this argument will only win over like 5 percent of you, the ones on the fence, the rest are all to paranoid and full of fear. but they are not people you want to date anyways! =)

and to those of you, especially the girls, who have proudly dated on here.. good for you! im glad it worked out.. why get all dressed up and go out when you can just put a pic up of you in your halter top and get 50 guys to ask you out while you watch tv and eat ice cream?

(i go for girls with blogs and goofy faces.. cleavage intimidates me)

peace

Melonberry on my Elephant? (nc-17)

2007-02-15T23:44:00.000-08:00

this story is copywritten

THIS DAY IN HISTORY

Mr and Mrs Melonberry had a fine family, two kids, a Chevrolet, even a color television.
Mr. Melon Berry was a Phy-Ed teacher at a parochial school, Mrs. Melonberry was a happy homemaker.
Their two kids were Sara Jean and Ed Jr. (photo from '51) This is a story about a girl who lost her spirit, and how the kiss of a kind stranger brought it back.

Things were steady Freddy for a few years until little Sara Jean decided she wanted to be the next Lesley 'Twiggy' Hornby..it was then that she started sloughing off in school, even dropping out of the band and glee club.

"eating is bad... don't do it"

It seems the rising hem lines and popularity of emerging fashion models appealed to her.

Though she was very well fit, as the daughter of a Phy-Ed teacher,
she "just wasn't model material..."

"great, thanks for coming in, we'll be in touch"

Sadly, she developed an eating disorder ;(

For a while she was able to hide it, but her parents eventually became suspicious. Tension was very high as Mrs Melonberry was hosting a Bien Venido party for her new Mexican neighbors.

The Vasquez family.
They decided to confront Sara with their worries, and, unconvinced at her denials, took out a can of hard love and opened it up. Not able to afford counseling, they made her wear boxing gloves after all her meals.

"I should have took yoga, I could use a big toe right now!"

Sara was livid, embarrassed, desperate. She turned to some of her younger male neighbors, asking them to help her throw up. Her ignorance of Spanish complicated things.. The Vasquez boys had never heard of bulimia before.
"hee hee, i think she said candlestick.. hee hee"

Sara kept motioning to her mouth with her gloves, and saying bulimia, they thought she meant bujia. (it means candlestick) They said bujia a couple times pointing at her mouth and smiled, then they smiled to each other and pointed at her big mid-western gringa boobs smiling.

The international language of love blossomed and soon they were making a deal.

Sara was going to let the boys feel her up if they would help her throw up her meal.... they agreed, and they enjoyed her fine pale bottelas de leche.

"It's my turn holmes"

It was Sara's darkest moment, but also the turning point in her life.... here is how it unfolded.

At first Sara felt like an All-American slut..she wanted to get this over with... so after a few minutes of being a good sport, she started pointing to her mouth and saying bujia, bujia.....

The Vasquez boys, all virgins but the eldest, Joshua Dedos-Largos, were nervous.
They argued about who would get to "help" her first .

Sara was confused, her time was ticking, not much time before that food is digested she thought. She lined the boys up and had them stick out their hands...she chose the brother with the longest fingers.

Joshua was also a poet and artist!
They boys all laughed, the youngest said "ella prefiere los elephantes" and gestured his hand out of his mouth like an elephant roaring and lifting its trunk....

Sara, seeing this , said "yes, now, yes... bulimia", and gestured her glove out of her mouth smiling.. The boy was nervous..but very excited...she pushed him into the bathroom....

It was in the bathroom that she was cured of her bulimia.... She got down on her knees near the toilet, and motioned the boy over.... she had him hold her hair back and she repeated the word bujia. She opened wide as she could and stared at him waiting..

next....

ok,ok u sick fucking bastards!!! i know what you are thinking!! and you are wrong. this is a good story with a good ending, so i am sorry if you expect some nasty shit!! stop reading now.. i can just feel you sick and twisted fucks.... it grosses me out.. it is hard enough to make light of an eating disorder like bulimia, but to add those nasty thoughts of you guys to this story, hell no!! Besides my Mom reads these so don't get your hopes up!

So how does it end, how can i tell you the UPLIFTING STORY OF HUMAN COMPASSION AND NOT THE SICK STORY U WANT TO HEAR??

next....well..Senor Vasquez, though he had bragged to all the boys about how he was a tiger in bed, had never had it so easy... a women so giving not only through him off, it really touched him!!
Instead of pulling her hair back and whipping out his candlestick, he stroked her hair and said beautiful things to her about how wonderful she was, her curves, her pale skin, her fine breasts. he stroked her face some more......he told her "no soy un elephante, soy un osito" (teddy bear)

Sara was confused.. she repeated, thinking he didn't understand.. "bujia, bujia" he shook his head "no, no bujia" and pulled her in. he kissed her lips.

She was stunned. that one kiss from a strange Mexican neighbor with really long fingers changed her whole perception of herself. Obviously Senor Vasquez wasn't raised by a media full of skinny and starving models, he appreciated her body, he saw beauty in her.. his kiss told her, through the international language of confusing physical sign language, "keep the food inside you, i love you as you are"

She was so grateful to him for his symbolic kiss.. she wanted to please him, so she got out his bujia... he was an elephante indeed.. she was so happy he was into her..... she never felt so wanted before!

here ya go you sick fuckers....i thought i better keep it real, in the interest of unbiased non moralistic journalism

sorry mom =/

Well, the rest is history.... Joshua DedoLargos and Sara dated for the rest of her time in school, and she got back on track with all of her curriculum'..she even went on to start her own all female mariachi band..the first ever in American History.. and that all happened on this day, in 1966

Mom - you shouldn't read this one

2007-02-15T22:59:00.000-08:00
I can't help it.
I'm dirty. =0
(you can blame Dad though)

FOR THE LADIES

i hope it touches your heart.

=)

This is a tale of two spirits from different places finding each other. How one brave man, running on just intuition and curiosity, managed to break himself free from the monotonous and dark life that surrounded him; how he eventually, after many pitfalls, landed in the arms of his soul mate.

It's about a lady who "had it all," the fancy digs, the stylish looks the pedigree of quality... except that one thing, the person that really "fit" her.

Nin Shuo Shen Me, ( <-- that's a joke for Chinese people... get it?)
we'll call him Nin for short,
was a blue collar
no-nonsense
old school

butt plug.

here he is at his high school mixer

Until his great escape his destiny was to simply exist as Master Acrobat Lady Lin's plug . She used him exclusively, leaving him not much time for personal pursuits.

as you can see, Nin served as a sort of
stand in, or sit in- if you will
Nin got used to the graveyard shift, the times he wasn't in Lin's ass he usually spent as such, half in her purse, and half in the dishwasher...

Nin looked forward to his daily cleanse!

Lady Lin was stationed in Shang Hai. It was on her first trip to travel the USA, doing half time shows for NBA games, that Nin got his first waft of freedom.

Meanwhile, In the fancy suburb of White Fish Bay in Milwaukee,
Susy Mae was living the life. She was a real specimen I tell ya.

Here she is, in her lavish surroundings.

Susy was a lucky sink basin.. her and her parents were well off because her ancestors worked hard to provide a better life for Susy.

here are her great grandparents, fresh
off the boat, south side of chicago
It was during a Milwaukee Bucks game that Lin caught the eye of NBA Center Ha Seung-Jin, a 7'3 Korean Giant. Ha Seung-Jin was newly acquired from the Blazers and did not have a girl in Milwaukee. Immediately they felt something.. he loved her flexibility and Asianess, she loved his height and imagined all the tricks she could do with him!

PPg-1.6, RPG-1.80, APG-0.0
Though he did not score any points in 6 minutes on the court, Ha had the game of his life that night... and he ended up taking Lin home after bribing her tour manager with authentic NBA apparel from his teammates...

He took her home to his spread in the fancy suburb of whitefish bay.

HA needed tall ceilings...

They sat down to a nice meal and some drinks...

Kon-Bay!

Lin got drunk and wanted to impress HA.

Lin has a hard time sitting still
Ladies! Use your imagination...
a few drinks
a Chinese acrobat
a Korean NBA player (good hands)
good 'ol NIN
HA put the moves on and LIN and proved he had game! And Lin did all kinds of tricks with his long body... they had fun!

Do not try this at home!

A few hours later... Lin's old house lady instinct kicked in- she went to clean up... like usual, she put NIN in the dishwasher along with a few dirty other dishes, and some of his wine toppers.

you see where i'm going??

Lin and Ha went to sleep.... Nin did as well-in the dishwasher.
Susy couldn't sleep... so she sang to herself..
It was inside the dishwasher that NIN heard her little drips of insomnia...

Her peaceful tone made NIN feel so comfortable...

Soon morning came and HA was up and at em. He came down to the kitchen and made a fine meal for LIN. It was a little tense the morning after though, the language barrier and all.
an awkward moment
HA decided to empty out the dishwasher- not recognizing LIN's buttplug, he put it into his sink. He paused, and then placed it into the drain.

It was LOVE!!!

NIN took to Suzy's hole like no other.. it was so different form LINS. He felt so alive.. so in love. And Suzy loved NIN'S strong broad frame and rubber body.. he just squeezed into her so hard. They just fit!

And one day it came upon another piece that seemed to be just right.
"Hi," it said.
"Hi," said the piece.
"Are you anybody else's missing piece?"
"Not that I know of."
"Well, maybe you want to be your own piece?"
"I can be someone's and still be mine."
"Well, maybe you don't want to be mine."
"Maybe I do."
"Maybe we won't fit...."
"Well..."
"Hummm?"
"Ummmm!"
It fit!
It fit perfectly!

Well i'll be damned.. so eventually Lin had to go and she was missing her piece, and she axed HA and he scratched his head, then they finally figured it out...

They tried and tried to get NIN out of SUsy's hole but they couldn't do it, together SUsy and NIN fought for their love.. a real team!

true love.. *sighs

LIN was running mad late and her manager was pissed!

"forget your butpwugg; we need to go to detwoit an hour ago!"

so she had no time fuss..

long story short...

NIN got to defect!

HA wanted a new sink since Susy dripped anyways...

and he tossed them out-together.

awwwwwwww!
the best things in life are free!

Catherine Tate (season 3)

2007-02-15T22:16:00.000-08:00
Nan...

new characters...

Lauren

creepy shark

2007-02-15T20:41:00.001-08:00

Enough Already!

2007-02-14T16:35:00.000-08:00
This is not a blizzard.
Not even close.
This is nothing.

Here in NYC there is some slush, a few inches of snow.
Everyone is acting like the city is shut down.
IT always makes me laugh.

People here do not know how to walk on snow or ice,
they are awful drivers, spinning their wheels in 2 inches of snow,
getting "stuck."

Where I am from,
THIS is a lot of snow.

Valentine's give away

2007-02-14T14:49:00.000-08:00
Cupid was no where to be seen today in snowy Manhattan... and though all the cuddle bunnies in the metro seem to be hibernating... that didn't stop theses prophylactic philanthropists from handing out "lover snow suits" to commuters in the Big Apple today.

I personally wish they were handing out girlfriends. It seems Cupid's arrows are just not strong enough to penetrate my Northface puffy coat and American Apparel long sleeve underwear.

(A.C +6, it's a +4 if I dawn my gloves and a scarf though)

Cupid was last seen in France on February 11th

Here is a look at what they were handing out, pretty cool i must say.

I hope I can come quicker then the M.T.A does!

The condoms are so purdy you don't want to unwrap them.
I'd like to point out that they are premium,
and lubricated. Spare no expense! No Large ones though??! hurrrumph.

I guess I can give them to my brother. =)

In other news... keeping with our Lovers Theme,
I'd like to say the porn star of the day today is Mrs. Aurora Snow.

Congrats Aurora!!

It's her, she is just hard to recognize with clothes on

A look at folks hard at work

Touie's proflic, deep, and entendre flavored thought del dia

2007-02-13T14:05:00.000-08:00
if gestation makes animals,
and digestion eats them,
are we not living in gest?

The Friend Zone...my hunch at histroy

2007-02-11T21:38:00.000-08:00
It's been handed down generations... from mothers to daughters, for hundreds of years.

Did it all start with this well known trouble maker?

THE GREAT QUEEN ELIZABETH

Let's delve right into my theory.. all these things are FACT!
The Queen-she once uttered this phrase to a Robert Dudley...

"You are like my little dog; when people see you, they know I am nearby."

He was the Earl of Leicester... here he is below, pay close attention to the dress style.

Robert first met Elizabeth when he was eight years old, perhaps when they were both pupils in the royal classroom. They became good friends, and their friendship lasted throughout their lives. Speaking of his childhood relations with Elizabeth later in life, he said that "he knew her better than anyone else from when she was eight years old." He also added: "and from that age she always said that she would never marry."

It is my theory that Queen Elizabeth is the first person to put a man in the "friend zone!!!"

For all of you women out there, that know of this place, that cultivate it... love it, need it. Be you a fag hag, afraid of intimacy or just scorned so now asexual, this is what it feeeeeels like to be in the friend zone...

If you will. a visual metaphor.

Take a good look, look into his eyes, he is subdued, notice the sock on his hand..
his right hand, if he had thumbs even, he would not be able to pleasure himself!
The friend zone originated with queen Elizabeth.
When her more widely known castrations and executions became passe...
she developed a more practical and torturous method of destroying men's lives... one that is employed by women all over the world today.

Let's take another look at the Earl of Leicester...

Notice his collar??!? It is a sign from Elizabeth to other ladies.. "This one is mine"
Another portrait of the queen Elizabeth.

This was her subtle clue, her hinting at a new order of things. Knowing she would not reign very much longer, knowing it could be years, even decades again before a woman ruled the land.. she implemented these techniques to help women keep men castrated, mentally.... in other words-in the friend zone.

Notice the dog, wanting something, needing something..
"All a nigga needs is a little bit" he is thinking- notice how skinny he is.. not WELL FED if you get me.

Allow me to prove my theory.. Ok, how about this? If you look into pop culture, now and in the past.. You will see vivid recreations of the Elizabeth Torture System. Such as this obvious one here...

Ducky boy, every girls favorite. No mans.

Ducky Boy.. he is the message for a whole new generation of women. This movie was seen by millions of young girls, and in it, were the secret nuances and tricks to maintain the friend zone! Notice Molly Ringwald.. a spitting fucking image of the queen no? ginger hair and all!!!

Need more proof? Let's go back even further, to the 50's.
How about Lucille Ball? she had a boy toy...

Little Orphan Annie.. a metaphor with her dog... symbolic of future men's plights!! Teach the young girls the ropes!

Here she is teaching the young girls to be weary of man's intent, and to take advantage of it!
Let's examine motive. Why the friend zone? What are the gains of having one , or a couple of them, filled in your social circles?

Well, it is obvious... you get all of the perks, none of the downsides.

With just the slightest bit of hope a man will keep on treating her as if she is his girl, but he will never get that ass.. she will tease him and let him hold her hand and say things, every now and again, to keep giving him hope... in order to keep him near. It breaks a man down mentally and eventually he believes he is not worthy of sex anymore.

If a man is smart, and senses it is futile he may look elsewhere, and in these cases, the pro friend zone architects will lay on some pseudo jealous behaviors, or will talk badly of said rival.. causing the man to rethink his position.

It is these strong mind games that were first developed in the halls of the queens castle in the 1600's! A few quotes from her.. that help lend us a look into her thoughts...

"It's all to do with the training: you can do a lot if you're properly trained."

This one is obviously about her desire to perform castrations!

"Virgin Queen: 'Stick the peanut in the peanut hole? Why? I'd rather eat mine."

Rumor has it her favorite brand was Peter Pan, makes sense, no?

This one i think was said during her first few experiments with the friend zone.. a way for her to help future generations of women manipulate and tease men into doing and saying the "right things" without any real cost or risk to the women.

"... What a family is without a steward, a ship without a pilot, a flock without a shepherd, a body without a head, the same, I think, is a kingdom without the health and safety of a good monarch. "

If you take your dog to get neutered. they will give him a lampshade collar so that he wont lick himself, hurt himself... ruin the healing etc. This is also known as a ELIZABETHAN COLLAR !!!! Go ahead, Google it!

What was her motive? I mean, she could have any man she wanted.. yet she wanted the world to believe she was a virgin... What gives?

Well first, let's look at another famous Ducky Boy if you will... A modern, living best friend.

Mr. Stedman

Notice the dog, in the picture.. again, Oprah is sending out hidden messages. It's like the Free Masons only a different ruling party. A quote from his MASTER... The lovely and talented Mrs. Winfrey.

"Lots of people want to ride with you in the limo, but what you want is someone who will take the bus with you when the limo breaks down."

And so there he is, at the ready, to carry her bags for her , no?

Let's ask DR Phil!
awww snap, he is in her friend zone too! Shit! He would not comment on the Oprah angle... oh well.. look what I dug up on the queen. The Ginger haired one back in Engerland.

"She was born on 7 September 1533 at Greenwich Palace. Her birth was possibly the greatest disappointment of her father's life. He had wanted a son and heir to succeed him as he already had a daughter, Mary, by his first wife, Katherine of Aragon. He had not divorced Katherine, and changed the religion of the country in the process, to have only another daughter. Elizabeth's early life was consequently troubled. Her mother failed to provide the King with a son and was executed on false charges of incest and adultery on 19 May 1536. Anne's marriage to the King was declared null and void, and Elizabeth, like her half-sister, Mary, was declared illegitimate and deprived of her place in the line of succession. "

Hmmmm. do we even need Dr Phil to help us figure out her reasons for developing the friend zone? It's obvious no?

I trust my loyal readers are smart enough to get this for themselves.

But hang on, let's not forget Dr Phil. he is obviously a peanut butter of the smooth variety a.k.a. no nuts. Castrated by Oprah's fat fingers..I found some quotes from his website.. notice they are hinting towards the friend zone dichotomy.. and notice his reference to the old days of castles and what not...

"Take it from a guy: If you're in love with somebody, you will swim the stream, you will climb the mountain, you will slay the dragon. You're going to get to her somehow, some way.."

"There are some sick people in this world."

"I think you're running into a lot of trouble if your idea of foreplay is, 'Brace yourself honey, here I come!"

"Sometimes you make the right decision, sometimes you make the decision right."

You suck Dr Phil!

And Stedman... no marriage in sight, and if so, a pre-nup!! At least he is getting compensated for his castration.

" I feel comfortable with who I am, although I haven't always, says Stedman. I give Oprah credit for helping me understand that the source of my pain was in the past."

oh lord.
(his desires)

This is the real sick part, Oprah does not even have shame about her use of the friend zone techniques!

She paid the dog whisperer to help Stedman!!

He sure looks like ducky boy! And what are his thoughts??? Why go out and get a man in the friend zone?

"The most important thing that we have to provide every day is that we are the pack leader, that we set the rules, the boundaries and the limitations, and then we love. Most of the people, they go to get a dog because they need somebody to love. So they are going after what they need, not what the dog needs. And that, to me, creates instability immediately, and the dog sees the human as a soft energy. So they don't follow the lovable leader or a spiritual leader; they follow a dominant one."

Like the queen of England... of daytime television. ...??????

(I rest my case)

This is what the world looks like to us. When we are subject to this horrible tease and manipulation. It is overbearing, and dark...

Cant even get a whiff of some ass.... !

sad...

so so sad!!!

You know who you are, it's cruel... stop it!!!

Dolphin Massacre (serious, not funny)

2007-02-11T18:11:00.000-08:00
(sent to me from my sister)

I can't even describe how awful it was to watch. I am so angry and cannot believe this happens. If you don't want to watch just sign the petition. I have no idea if these things help, but please sign. Joaquin Phoenix narrates. I can't believe my eyes. Such pure cruelty.

WARNING: The video is horrific.

(click the little PLAY button, lower left)

Video Link

petition

Please help.

And pass it on to anyone you feel will respond

thanks

How technology ruined dating

2007-02-11T13:56:00.000-08:00
let's go back.
before beepers even.

When I first started dating I had to use this!

We didn't even have call waiting yet.
I remember if you wanted to call "your girl" after a certain time,
you had to risk her parents answering the phone .
(but you could hang up at least, this was before caller I.D =)

Back then nerves pumped, mouths got dry waiting for the person you liked to answer, to ask them out or talk or whatever, even to hear their voice and hang up.

fast forward a few years to the beeper.

A good invention, you could page your sweetheart, even leave voice mails... avoid the parentals.. back then you could use pay phones and receive incoming calls... handy when you were out with no quarters... But then the cops made that illegal due to drug dealers...

Pagers were also handy for avoiding your sweetheart... thus the first technological cause of drama i can think of! "I blew your pager up, where were you?" You couldn't be out anymore. "I was out all day, just got your message" (on the old school answering machine at home) no sir. not anymore.

Who hasn't had to call his girl while he was out being bad and tell everyone to shut up so he could lie to her about his whereabouts? Or said "I was at the movies"? You couldn't use the dead battery excuse then, they were double A's.

Someone paged you from an unfamiliar number? You hope it was that girl you gave your number to, she was too shy to leave a voice mail, so you call and don't know who you are calling.. could be her parents house, but most likely a friends... the infamous line "Did someone page me?"was used , in a cool sounding deep voice of course.

Well, when you couldn't use pay phones, not even to call your own voice mail due to the calls being blocked for drug dealers- pagers where only good for basic info, and sending codes. drug dealing and receiving voice mails at home but with out any parental access.

So what next..? I'll tell you what next. The first thing to destroy dating was caller I.D. It meant no more prank calls... no more late calls (god forbid it showed up the next day and the parents saw it) but most importantly it meant call screening!

What did this mean? It meant it was impossible to get a girl to answer her phone.
(Hmmm sounds familiar no?)

I remember the games being played, shy girls, not answering phones, too shy to call back. You would not leave a message on purpose in the old days, in order to get them on the phone... only now, you couldn't do that, due to the caller ID. so they knew it was YOU not leaving messages.

So you HAD to leave a message, and back then you couldn't preview it. you had one shot! better make it count. I hated leaving messages, I was always nervous.. I would rehearse them just to get it right, not too interested, not too cheesy, not too aggressive. man, it sucked. then girls would play it back over and over i am sure and revel in my misery.. soon though,
after the men at AT&T got sick of going through this same shit with their girlfriends that i endured they invented...

*67

brilliant! block my number.... that was OK for a few months. things were even keeled again. We weren't forced to leave messages, they had to answer, we could play chicken again... until the complaints started piling in from women. Using "harassment calls" as an excuse, they got back their leverage and AT &T created call blocking. where you could block any "anonymous" incoming calls.

damn! thwarted again.

FML didn't exist then, but you get the point.

Now how can we get the girl on the phone to ask her out?!?! Back to leaving messages, once, twice.. never three times. The girl had all the control, all the power. My how the etiquette had changed from the old days when you asked her out in person, or for her number so you could do it on the phone, back when she was on the spot and you were too.

Back then, you had to make plans!
You had to "ask girls out".
You had to meet their parents, or at least talk to them.
They did answer the phone after all... again
you had to make plans! ( *Gasp, you mean a "date"?)

You had to meet somewhere, and you had to stick to the plans, because you couldn't call or text them to say you were late etc. People were accountable then, respectful of others time, appreciative. can you imagine that??

That was why it was a "date". You were meeting at the mall, or the movie, or picking them up at their house at a specified time. Nowadays you can ask a girl "you want to go out on Thursday" and she will say "Maybe, I don't know, text me on Thursday afternoon."

Hedging our bets are we?
Fair enough now and again,
but this is common accepted behavior now!!

OF course it's all done with texting now. No real human interaction... sure BBMs added a "real time" pressure, but thats just a girl thing like GILT... the irony being they can ignore your BBMs but not the GILT updates!

Cell fones, caller ID, text messaging. Oh sure, we can block our numbers now.. but the games are still played on both sides. The worst part is the texting. Girls don't answer their phone- then they text you "what's up?"

??

Um I just called you, obviously I wanna talk. not audition for your attention!

They don't ever want to make plans, they want to wing it until the very last minute, then tell you in a text that they can't make it etc. People (girls) are so flakey nowadays.. and they can have entire dating relations in just text messages and hooking up no real talking or interacting. (which works for men too but we call that booty calls)

Meet someone online, get their number? cool! right?

Nope. it only means you can call them and leave a message, they won't answer it. Or you can text them, and even then, they may not text you back. Or they might, but they never make plans, and only text you when they are out of town or drunk. It's all so silly. EDIT - now we have twitter. even worse. tweet tweet tweet. you're still left full of skeet!

People think it's ok to be like this these days. It is accepted.

I think it is bullshit!

I try not to have "conversations" with texts. I try to ask girls out in person, to interact live, and when i feel like a girl is being too ambiguous, I ask her point blank if she is "interested" in me or "just hanging out."

I ask girls all the time, just for my own amusement, how many of them have ever been on a proper date, and the ones under 27 all seem to say no! IT's amazing.

I blame technology for changing the behavior that led to drastic changes in the male/female etiquette. Imagine before phones, ah yes, love letters! how romantic no? imagine, the man asking her out, saying "meet me here on Saturday at 6pm" and that person would have to show up, no flaking out because it would be rude to leave someone stranded.. nowadays, you have to meet someone at 8pm.. you dont even count on it.. you wait to see if they are gonna text to cancel at 6pm.

its all such rubbish.

I was never more happy in NYC then when I first moved here and didn't even have a land line. I made plans, and people had to stick to them, and if they didn't, well, they weren't worth my time. There are so many people out there wasting people's time.
Ironic when these devices were made for the opposite no?!?!?!

huuuruuuummmmph

hmmm... Cinderella book mimics my rants

2007-02-11T12:23:00.000-08:00
So there is a new book out... basically paraphrasing my thoughts, only in a more digestible tone. the book...

My rant.. now this is out of love, not bitterness.

If you believe you are a Princess in the first place????
YOU are not special.

YOU are ego driven. In a game competing with other girls

That's why you don't trust them

They make you insecure ----->not men.

Men are a pawn

you see them how you wish, you think they fell too hard for you, they did.
you think they are playing you, they are.

no matter what they do, you see what you want to see.

all your life, you were called princess. you were "special".

somehow you are better then the others, all 3 billion of them.

so that gives you good reason to act like you do.

you think you deserve certain things. respect. courtesy. trust. appreciation.

yet you never give it out freely, only with conditions.

when men give it to you with out question.

you see them as you wish regardless.

with fear goggles

you are not special. "Princess"

you are just like the others.

take take take

you want others walking down the street to respect you, to see "how good a man" you got.

he is a reflection of you, of your character.

he has to be special. he deserves respect, courtesy, appreciation, trust.

BUT NOT FROM YOU.

just from those around him.

this is all justified in your head, you've been hurt, you've been lied too. you have reasons.

you are doomed. you are doomed. you are doomed.

you are ugly. you are weak.

fear is the stinkiest thing ever. you can smell it miles away.

you are weak. you are scared. you are lonely.

that is not special. you're just like everyone else.

you are not special. if you were that would judge everyone else no?

are you judging everyone else?

are they not just as sweet?

how would you know, cuz of what some girl said? ego games, lies, gossip.

we tell you how good it is, how sweet, it makes you feel better, we know the game.

special is what you do after we do.

i don't gossip.

children are special. i am what i am to them, they never question me. they believe OF ME.

i say hands, they give me their hand.
i say stop pulling my hair and pass me the remote and they do it.
they respect me, appreciate me, trust me.

i don't abuse that trust, what good man would?

they are special.

you don't know a good man if he brought you flowers and made you orgasm

i give give give, i don't expect.

i have no fear.

i get what i want. and a lot of what i don't want

because you don't trust, you question, you judge, you qualify.

who do you think you are ???

pretty is as pretty does.

there is no justification for being weary or scared or jaded.

none.

it shows how un-special you are, how just like all the others you are, no matter how pretty, how rich or how intelligent.

stop being so damn self absorbed.

all of you.

you will be happy for it.

a strong woman that knows who she is and what she wants and doesn't care how the world sees her is "special".
and very very hard to find

a good man is easy to find, just say he is good and he will be good.
(a good man will at least try)

you can paint a picture both ugly and beautiful with the same proficiency.

all we want is someone to let us be. to let us give to them.

we don't want to take you, to sleep with you,

we want you to want us to sleep with you,
so we can be of some use.

that's why i give myself away, my friend and i realized today that i am a feelings philanthropist,
i got mad love to give..

i give myself away,
i become ethereal,
u can see me how u wish.
that's how i will be remembered anyways......

u make your own empty bed.
you are no better for it, a martyr maybe,
a fool definitely.

there is no dignity in an empty room,
only false pride.

that's why y'all buy pets. unconditional, they put up with your shit, or more so... you give to them unconditionally! hey wait a minute, see how it works.... you give to them and don't expect. hmmmm, works every time.

who raised you
just to fall into bed with me?
even though i try
and try again
to prop you up
put the throw pillows to use
under your back
behind your neck
we are together
yet you choose instead
to stare at the wall

who raised you
to love walls so so much?
to build them,
a challenge for me
to erect my own siege
tear yours down
belt buckle by zipper
only to find myself
surrounded on all sides again

who raised you
to envy my walls?
shoddy Chinese construction
plaster over wood studs circa 2002
unaffected by my salt and pepper
meanwhile i am trying to season you
tenderize
pounding away,
laying siege
and yet you look right past me.

exposed brick,
i can't compete...
while you count lines
buck naked before me
i surrender my last salvo
your walls intact...
who raised the princess
but never let her outside the keep?

were they to strict for bedtime stories?

you're supposed to let your hair down...

Emo

2007-02-11T08:23:00.001-08:00

The Final Countdown!

2007-02-10T11:26:00.000-08:00
I'm speechless. I envy their conviction

Bangin' in L.E.S and Willyburg at all time high!

2007-02-09T20:26:00.000-08:00
Who would have thought these skinny boys in tight pants could ever cause so much havoc? It's dangerous even for innocent bystanders.

Apparently boys are "crossing the wrong street", at the "wrong time" and, due to reduced vision/ sight lines from their uber cool BANG hair cuts,
getting hit by cars and messengers, running into other pedestrians and sometimes even each other! They get mauled or even killed.

The lines at the orthopedist are long!

is it worth risking your life?

The aftermath

A memorial for a fallen comrade

I asked around the neighborhood to see what people thought. The boy pictured below, "They call me Pretty Ricky,"got hit buy an SUV one early morning.. said he "didn't see them coming" as he ran for a taxi. He broke his collarbone and sprained his wrist. He is now addicted to painkillers but despite all his hard luck, he refuses to get a new haircut.

"You only live once, man. You can't be timid"

Jerry, a bike messenger said "Man, dumbass kids don't even look both ways these days. I try to yell, but they always have their ipods on.. they are a menace. I hit four this week alone. Sometimes their hair gets stuck in my chain. It's a drag."

Jerry on his lunch break

One sector of society to benefit form this is the Crutch Manufacturers...

projected crutch sales

It turns out that they are having a hard time even keeping up with the local demand.

Another hobbling hipster =(

This man lost his job due to an accident

One of the few bright spots to come out of this epidemic was the love story of Jonah and Mickey. They met in the middle of the street. "He ran right into me" said Mickey, the taller of the two. "We hit our heads and passed out... I woke up to his face. He smiled when he knew I was OK and told me I had a cool T-Shirt." It was love at first sight.

Mickey and Jonah

At the moment there is a class action law suit on behalf of a lot of the injured "Bangers" against a few popular hair salons. But legal issues prevent me from naming them here.

Another interesting 'Banging" case in the courts right now is the case of Lawrence Jeffries vrs. Luca Burtoni. Apparently Luca walked into Lawrence on the corner and knocked some valuable sculpture out of his hands... Unapologetic Luca continued on about his day.. Enraged at his sense of entitlement Lawrence followed him and later assaulted him. The are suing each other.

good thing that chair was plastic!

Some helpful tips for navigating the streets of L.E.S. and Willyburg.

If you are driving, and you see bangs, always make EYE contact, don't assume that they can see you just because you can see them.
If you have bangs, use a head band or hat to pull them back into a "safety position" so you have a better sight line
Last but not least, always look both ways before crossing the street.

Fashion Forecast!

2007-02-09T19:50:00.000-08:00
OMG! new moon- fashion forecast

BAD news for you girls with big ass foreheads. ..

With the new moon and certain elements going retrograde, the writing is on the wall!

Bangs are out!

What to do? Don't panic, you have some time yet. It should be a few weeks before people start to look at you with contempt judging your hairstyle as "so 2006."

I have a few suggestions for you...

1. Stock up on hats. you can wear hats, light weight ones especially, through all of the coming spring.

good save Christina!
2.big sunglasses. If you can cover your eyebrows, the sight lines for where your eight head begins and ends will be harder to detect and people will be more comfortable looking at your lips and nose instead. (god forbid you have thin lips to go with that melon head.)

so cliche, everything went wrong here
3. irregular hair cuts (Gasp) i know it's risky, with the emosaurus going the way of the dinosaurs... but if done properly you can pull it off, maybe shave the hair on one side... NO FAUX HAWKS or similar "centered" hairstyles (above), this will only draw attention to you head and you will look like an onion or turnip in a school play.

this turnip understood the importance of hats!
4. Befriend people that have bigger heads then you.
Here she combines # 2 and #4, a pro!

5. Hang out in the tundra with the Eskimos where they appreciate big heads.

"haha, look at the white girl's little head!"

Fashion don'ts!

1. do not wear a turtle neck, it's sad enough you still own one, but do not wear it. It will only accentuate your over sized head and you will look like a bohemian extra in a Tim Burton movie. And don't wear big hoop earrings, you will look like a bobble head.
2. BOYS don't forget, no bangs means you need to learn how to put on that black mascara again, so learn it fast,. You don't want to mis-apply it and look like you were crying all day. Lord knows you are floppy and melancholy enough,. Same goes for the girls- and don't forget to loofah and mask your forehead to remove all those black heads you have been covering up.

"I have to go my car is talking to me"

2007-02-09T18:55:00.000-08:00
God forbid my mother was being impolite to her Honda.

I was on the phone with her while she was driving around the desert, her car was giving her directions... apparently she made a wrong turn and her car was trying to get her attention so... she had to get off the phone to listen to her car.

"I have to go honey, my car is talking to me."

It's the first time ever I got interrupted by a car.

Oh, I'd also like to say a robot called me the other day and "offered to help" me pay my bill. Robots are so helpful!

Haggard the Horrible

2007-02-08T23:44:00.000-08:00
So apparently.. you can cure gayness.
hmmm?

Ted Haggard has been converted back to a "hetero"
article on the bottom.

I promised him a plug, this is his book about rent boys.

Now here is his before pic i.e. gay
(or canadian? I can't tell)

and then after

clearly a blue bloody american- I concur

Crowd reaction to his new found straightness.

here we see his parishioners hard at work for him

tears of joy from susan, she has waited years for "her chance" at ted

Ted in Action!

Here ted talks about how many times it takes having a cock in your mouth to be immoral

LATER, into the sermon!

here ted diagrams how two penis' can't mingle-
A moving sermon I must confess!

Here Ted makes his video apoligizing personally to jesus-
"he just reminded me so much of you Jay, I couldnt resists,
he had on a robe, long wavy hair, he even said he loved hiking..."

ok, well. Here's the article.
My lord are these people serious?
who is their P.R company??

enjoy.
me in BOLD

Haggard now "completely heterosexual"

DENVER - One of four ministers who oversaw three weeks of intensive counseling for the Rev. Ted Haggard said the disgraced minister emerged convinced that he is "completely heterosexual."

Haggard also said his sexual contact with men was limited to the former male prostitute who came forward with sexual allegations, the Rev. Tim Ralph of Larkspur told The Denver Post for a story in Tuesday's edition. -"THE GAY COMMUNITY IS RELIEVED TO HEAR THIS NEWS"

"He is completely heterosexual," Ralph said. "That is something he discovered. It was the acting-out situations where things took place. It wasn't a constant thing."

Ralph said the board spoke with people close to Haggard while investigating his claim that his only extramarital sexual contact happened with Mike Jones. The board found no evidence to the contrary.

"If we're going to be proved wrong, somebody else is going to come forward, and that usually happens really quickly," he said. "We're into this thing over 90 days and it hasn't happened."
-AFTER ALL WHO WOULDN'T WANT TO BRAG ABOUT BEDDING MR HAGGARD!

Haggard resigned as president of the National Association of Evangelicals last year after allegations of sexual misconduct surfaced. He was also forced out from the 14,000 New Life Church that he founded years ago in his basement after Jones alleged Haggard paid him for sex and sometimes used methamphetamine when they were together. Haggard, who is married, has publicly admitted to "sexual immorality."

Haggard said in an e-mail Sunday, his first communication in three months to church members, that he and his wife, Gayle, plan to pursue master's degrees in psychology. The e-mail said the family hasn't decided where to move but that they were considering Missouri and Iowa.

Another oversight board member, the Rev. Mike Ware of Westminster, said the group recommended the move out of town and the Haggards agreed.

"This is a good place for Ted," Ware said. "It's hard to heal in Colorado Springs right now. It's like an open wound. He needs to get somewhere he can get the wound healed."

It was also the oversight board that strongly urged Haggard to go into secular work.

TOUIE SAYS- Mike Jones?? *gasps
The scandal!